Understanding Men In Relationships
Robert Solley

One man’s opinion?

You are in WAY over your head here. All this talk of objects in space and testosterone and feelings of inadequacy and where to put the TV? Guesswork at best, and at worst, a codifying of how men behave in a female-favoring way of life into a giant leap of assuming that any of what men do to be approved of and not run off by women (the largest single risk factor most men face nonstop), has anything at all to do with understanding any man as himself.

To best understand at least male conduct, a far cry from understanding men ourselves, in the setting you take as a given which is our own civilization as it is, for at least my purposes requires a working grasp of one towering term:


Women rule men’s lives, in so many ways and taking so many forms that any sloganeering chants about “patriarchy” ring like the falsehoods and propaganda they are, of the man-despising minorities who coin them.

And why? Because men allow it, even seek it out, spend lifetimes not even recognizing in just how many ways the ongoing need for female approval actually overshadows anything particularly male in ourselves.

When somebody references Tony Robbins, or talks about what “guys” do, or brings up anything even remotely connected to hunter-gatherers, I should know by now from those pink flags flying over a male self-image as projected through a female lens onto us, just not even to read on.

But I did. And brother, you are way out of even your own depth here. I read this stuff and wonder how many men who live and act and think and believe in themselves as men, rather than as women’s male auxiliaries, such a writer has ever even met.

I parted ways long ago with any assumed need to be understood as a man at all, or to try and understand women. Maybe instructing in the practical matters involved in rolling rocks up slippery slopes sells therapy hours and gets hits on blog entries, but it doesn’t even begin to close the vast abyss or solve the ancient mysteries which stand between male and female.

They aren’t supposed to be solved. The gap is never meant to be closed.

We are that different, Man and Woman, for a lot of good reasons. And we don’t really stand to benefit in any particular way, from thinking that we even know what those are or that we even could.

Show a man respect, give him the benefit of a doubt, let him do things how he believes he must and for God’s sake let him, at long last, try and figure out for his own male self what that actually is, and don’t even bother with trying to decode it all. It is Sysyphian task, and Faustian bargain, and sound and fury signifying nothing all at once, to try and understand us. That way lies madness, and nothing solved in the least for either sex..

I don’t want to be understood. Why I am (or just that I am) what I am, is my own business to attend to.

Being co-existed with, will suit me just fine, thank you.

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