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Pigs fly. I have a bridge for sale, near my ocean-view condo on the Arizona coastline. Obamacare is like a miracle, unicorns were seen boarding the Mother Ship, women never lie about rape, welfare reform has transformed America’s cities, Dorothy is doing a speaking tour preceding her upcoming reunion visit to Oz, lawyers are like totally ethical and honest people, Elvis now works on a catfish farm in Arkansas, and

BREAKING NEWS

Hilary (only) has pneumonia, everything’s fine.

Break’s over, back on your heads.

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