How Can I Get a Domme to Like Me?

For submissive dudes, this is the age-old question. Good hygiene, nice manners, and treating them like people are not going to work. You might as well not even try those. Instead, here are a few tips that I, as a lifestyle Domme, can totally get behind. Consider these your new 10 commandments:

1. You’d better send us as many pictures of your cock as possible. And get ready to give plenty of the real thing to us, too, when we meet up in real life.

2. Dommes are not like other women. We are special. If you’ve never had a relationship with one: understand that nothing about us is going to be even remotely close to anything you’ve ever experienced. Dommes don’t want romance or small talk; we want you crawling on your knees. Don’t treat us like ordinary people — we’re. not. In fact, due to our extensive knowledge of the fetishy arts, we are often thought of as “sluts” when in fact, we simply have a higher sex drive and are much more likely to hook up with less trepidation, and more eagerness. Spice up our interactions by adding an element of kink into everything you do or say.

3. Kinky scenes only. Again, we have no time or interest in vanilla bullshit. The volume’s gotta be turned up to 11, or we just won’t be interested.

4. Most Dommes are probably not in the scene for actual gratification so you need to look a little for the right one. In fact, studies have shown that women are flocking to BDSM in droves, because it is an easy and convenient way to get what we want. Free house cleaning done exactly to our specifications (because our fellow pervs always are more about the job than about fulfilling some fantasy), professional therapeutic massages (not just groping!), pedicures (as opposed to slobber city!), gourmet dinners, and oh, those clothes and toys! Not to mention money. Be sure to spoil your Domme thoroughly and often, or she will never be horny enough to entertain your fetishes. She is probably lazy and/or greedy, so she’s in this for what she can get.

5. Dommes love to join forces and share submissives. This one is actually a very little-known secret that until now, only some subs have known. Once we find a slave who is particularly special — sand by that, I mean the slave has to be extremely willing and eager to participate, having truly fantasized about this for a long time — we will arrange scenes to use the slave completely to our utter satisfaction. Mostly it’ll be just you and maybe a half-dozen or more of our friends. We expect you to be okay with this.

6. Additionally, we tend to be altruistic with our friends. If our expectations are too high, and things aren’t working out, you can ask your Domme if she’ll set you up with one of her hot friends instead. We don’t understand why submissive men don’t ask this of us more often. It makes us sad not to share great men with the sisterhood. Even if things are working out, Dommes will be happy to call her friends over and let you use them — I mean, let them use you, for their fantasy fulfillment. That’s what caring relationships are built on, after all.

7. “What it is that we do” does not constitute sex, technically, so it is not the same as infidelity to your existing relationship. We understand this. Many married submissives are miserable in their marriage, and we are evolved enough to truly comprehend what a difficult spot your selfish spouse has put you in. Therefore, we’re always willing to keep our relationship a secret. And we’ll be faithful to you, because you’re special and different than all the other people whose spouses won’t play BDSM games with them. You deserve some happiness in life, after all!

8. If you’ve met us online, know that the first real-life meeting will be all about your fantasies. It’s likely that we’ve been fantasizing about what kinds of naughty things we can get up to in public for weeks. If subtle (or not-so-subtle) public play isn’t your thing, that is okay. Most of us have backup plans for where to take you after we have our coffee date or whatever. Just make sure that your body is clean, you’re free of unnecessary hair, and bring plenty of your toys JUST in case we decide to take things to the next level right away. We are all sluts who can’t wait to fuck and play with random internet strangers.

9. As many in the BDSM community will tell you, the slave is the one who has all the control in a scene. Because of this, we are always looking to you to guide us. Tell us the right way to satisfy you; if we aren’t pleasing you with our appearance, our dialogue, or our technique, then we’ll need you to tell us when to step up our game. Fetish porn is the gold standard by which Dommes and slaves interact, and we’re eager to make that a reality for you. Please be ready with notes and suggestions for videos to watch so that we can emulate your favorite porn stars.

10. In everything I do, each and every day, I never forget I am a Domme. This is why I insist on wearing leather corsets on shopping trips, and decorating my suburban home to look like a dungeon of sin. I am strong and sexy. I never cry, feel vulnerable, or care about my slaves as people. Nor would I ever expect them to see me in such ordinary terms. My need to tie you up or force you to lick my boots is a prime motivator in my life, and you’ve just got to accept that. Femdom is a vocation, not just a fetish; and it is one which we don’t abandon. At least, not until we get old and start losing our looks. In cases like these, we consider it our duty to help you find younger and hotter girls who can keep up with your requirements.

I hope this helps you all!