A Mother’s Day
With Mother’s Day here, it got me to thinking, as it does every year, about those of us that no longer have a mother or mother figure in their life.
There are many reasons why you might be Motherless. For instance, I lost Muv 10 years ago after a brief battle with lung cancer. But I have, or have had clients and friends that find they suffer through the led up to Mother’s Day, with all its television advertising, cards and boards outside shops asking ‘how much do you love your Mother?’ or ‘Do you love your Mum?’, ‘the best gift for your Mum’, or even, ‘If you love her, you’ll get her …’
It’s not because they don’t love their Mother, it’s because they may have been abandoned as children, lost their Mum to a drunk driver, had an abusive relationship or been neglected in favour for the pub and pokies, lost them after years or mere months or sickness, been disowned after coming out, or been adopted. These are just some of the reasons that people may not have a mum that offers the loving, nurturing, embrace that our society tells us we should have.
Mother’s hold a special place in our hearts, even when they aren’t very good ones.
If they are good ones and we lose them early, it’s gut wrenching to see reminders of what is being missed out on.
Not everyone gets to celebrate this day with a Mother, Mum, Muv, MooMa, Mom, Mama, female parental unit, or Mummy.
In this day of mass media, it’s hard to avoid. So I’m writing this as a reminder to everyone that is lucky enough to have someone to call or visit this Sunday. Here a few things you might try to help ease the pain of those that don’t:
— Don’t ask them why, it might be too raw to talk about
— Resist the urge to be ‘curious’
— Ask if they’re OK and listen to the answer, don’t try and ‘fix it’
— Don’t complain about having to visit or call your own Mum when they’re around, chances are they’re be thinking how lucky you are.
I hope you enjoy this, and every weekend!
I’m a change management consultant and also The Secret Keeper, a counsellor and psychotherapist operating private practice in Jerrabomberra, NSW.
I practice in the areas of sexual health, grief and loss, and trauma. I use narrative therapy incorporating writing and artistic expression in my therapeutic practice.