The Looking Glass Self

In my Interpersonal communications class at Missouri Southern State University, we have learned several concepts within these first few weeks of school. The interpersonal concept I chose to talk about is the “looking glass self” Theory. The looking glass self was first created by Charles Cooley and it is when we learn who we are based on interactions with others, who “reflect” ourselves back to us. There are three primary conditions when it comes to the looking glass self. The first condition is that we have heard the same comments several times in our lives from people we interact with. Next is credibility which has to do with competence and character. The last condition is if the comments are consistent within a certain experience.

One of my favorite shows ever is “New Girl.” In Season two, episode 16, The main characters best friend, CeCe, is trying to find herself a husband at a convention. She is an Indian woman and wants to find an Indian husband that is the perfect match for her. At this convention they seat everyone at tables based on their occupation. If you are at table one, you have a great occupation that makes a lot of money. If you are sat at table 34, the last table, your occupation is one of the those that nobody seems to care about. CeCe is a model and is sat at table 34. The lady who made the table arrangements didn’t believe that being a model was going to get CeCe anywhere and said that it was an occupation that belonged at table 34. This interaction with that lady made CeCe not believe that her job was getting her anywhere and it also made her feel like she was failing. In this show, CeCe is about 30 years old and has been modeling since she was a teenager. She obviously has been doing just fine with her job, but this interaction with this lady and event has made her think the opposite of what she has though about her career before. It didn’t help that because this event and tables were arranged the way they were and everyone there knew that being at at table 34 meant that you didn’t have a very good job. Many of the men at the event talked down to CeCe and treated her as if she wasn’t very worthy because she was sat at table 34.

CeCe’s ex boyfriend, Schmidt, was at this event because still loved CeCe and wanted to prevent her from finding someone new. He had noticed throughout the event that other men treated her differently because of her job and where she was placed. He knew it was all dumb and didn’t mean anything and tried his best to reassure CeCe that her job was just fine and didn’t make her any less than someone who would have been sat at table one. After the event was over and CeCe didn’t find any interest in these men there, she soon realized that it was dumb. She knew that her job didn’t make her less and knew that if someone really loved her and cared about her, they wouldn’t care about her job and what table she was sat at. Of course that is Schmidt, but she obviously doesn’t realize that till way later in the show.

The looking glass self theory is something many people deal with everyday. We see ourselves based on what people tell us, and it’s hard not to. In the end, what really matters is how we truly see ourselves and what we think of ourselves. What other people say about us or to us shouldn’t affect how we want to see ourselves. It is on us if we choose to let what others say to us affect how we view ourselves.

Citations:

Lesley University . (n.d.). Perception is reality: The Looking-Glass Self. Perception Is Reality: The Looking-Glass Self | Lesley University. Retrieved September 19, 2022, from https://lesley.edu/article/perception-is-reality-the-looking-glass-self

Nickerson, C. (2021, October 12). Looking-glass self: Theory, Definition & Examples. Looking-Glass Self: Theory, Definition & Examples — Simply Psychology. Retrieved September 19, 2022, from https://www.simplypsychology.org/charles-cooleys-looking-glass-self.html