I’m Moving, & These 10 Dark Artifacts Need New Homes!

As many of my loyal readers know, I’m leaving my apartment this weekend. I’ve already pared my life down quite a bit, but, I just couldn’t toss these 10 dark artifacts to Craigslist! I’d rather my friends get first dibs. Let me know if you want one, or have any questions! 💕💕💕

10. The cursed yet powerful spear which pierced the side of Christ (used)

9. An unopened packet of seeds which grow into the shapes of your deepest shames (needs soil, tears)

8. Yellow 5-1/4" floppy disk containing the first, but not the last, sentient program (runs on MS-DOS)

7. An un-candescent light bulb, which darkens any room or mood (not eco-friendly)

6. “Framing the Early Middle Ages,” by Chris Wickham (2005, Oxford Univ. Press; paperback, 1024 pp.)

5. A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet inside Paul Ryan’s soul is hid (appears empty until you say the magic word: “abortio!”)

4. Full set of kitchen knives that cut you when you use them (unused)

3. A lotto ticket that always wins but it spends 99% of the money on nuclear weapons programs (remaining 1% goes to the 1%)

2. Ouija board that will only contact Buddy Hackett (and he will only say racisms)

1. Glossy 8x10" photo of Donald J. Trump’s inauguration (framed)

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