Real Concerns During my Afternoon Walk
Do I have my office key? Yes. Great. Let’s roll.
Sure smells like pee in the alleyway today. Is it me? Did I pee without knowing it? Is this my body falling apart? No. There’s the puddle of pee. Phew.
Watch out, poop on the sidewalk.
Missed the first intersection’s walk signal. That’s going to eat into my time. Bummer. What if the country elects Donald Trump and we die in a nuclear holocaust? Bummer.
More poop. What if a truck comes out of nowhere and hits me while I’m crossing? Watch the poop.
Did this tree always drop fruit? There’s so much of it. Tiny berries. What if they’re poison berries? What if I have poison on my shoes now? I really hope it’s not poison.
Mind the syringes. And the poop.
I hope this underpass doesn’t collapse on me.
I hope nobody bombs the Sheriff’s building while I’m walking past it. Or any time.
I hope none of these Sheriffs kills someone right now. Or me.
Missed another walk signal. Unlucky timing today, I guess. Hope I don’t get back too late, and that Trump doesn’t become the President of the United States of America.
Why is this construction company allowed to tap the fire hydrant? Nobody’s monitoring it, and it’s leaking, even though California is running out of water. I hope we don’t run out of water very soon.
I hope this Caltrain doesn’t derail and kill me. I hope a plane doesn’t crash into the freeway and the debris kills me. I hope a truck doesn’t fly off the freeway and the explosion kills me. I hope Trump doesn’t get elected and kill everybody.
Knee hurts. Is this my body falling apart? No, your knees have been bad forever, just pop it and keep going. There we go.
Old boss posted a good piece about ethics. I hope she doesn’t get fired.
Out of breath. Is this my body falling apart? No, you just went up three steep hills at the end of a mile-and-a-half leg of a hike. That’s an OK time to run out of breath. More poop.
Back down the hill. Hope I don’t trip down it and into the street and get run over by a truck.
Watch for any new poop on the way back.
Watch for any new syringes on the way back.
Watch for any crashing planes; those should be easy to spot, at least.
Alleyway still smells like someone else’s pee. Only slightly late. Good.
Trump might still be President. Poop.