The Locker Room of the Basket of Deplorables
When I was in my early twenties, I had a relationship with a young woman for several years. She meant the world to me at that time. I was so distraught by our breakup that I went to pour my heart out to one of my male friends, who gave me this sage piece of locker room advice: “It ain’t nothing but some pussy”
Needless to say, he was immediately un-friended. He was an idiot. A boy who probably grew up to be a “man” like Donald Trump.
Welcome to the locker room of the basket of deplorables. A locker room where women are welcomed but you must support me no matter what I say or do, no matter how repugnant or sexist my behavior is. A locker room where some men will never evolve from the Cro-Magnon stage. Unfortunately, people like Trump have offspring and they support their father’s racist and sexist tendencies; their silence is approval. Their lifestyle and wealth are far more important than any possible humanity that could force them to be honest about who their father really is. It’s sad in a way. Because the females in the family obviously also condone his behavior. When money talks, bullshit walks.
Jonathan Greenberg’s article entitled “Trump Manifests Everything Wrong with American Men and Shame’s Our Gender” was a great passionate piece about how we should revoke Trump’s “man card” because he embodies everything wrong with “Men.” I get his point and agree with him, but I would seek to qualify it further.
I identify fratboys mostly as wannabe jocks and the guys who, given too much beer and booze, would simply slip a roofy in a woman’s drink and rape her and later say she asked for it. I lump reckless white males of privilege heavy in that category along with the occasional stupid black athlete who thinks it’s OK to exhibit that behavior and then think you could possibly fathom getting away with something as hideous as that and get off the same way that a young white male with privilege would escape such an accusation of assault and rape. The kind of thinking clearly deserves a special place that is reserved with a nameplate in the “Locker Room of the Basket of Deplorables” (hereinafter referred to as LRBOD).
I went to a family member’s bachelor party some years ago. This family member was marrying a beautiful, accomplished, wonderful African American woman who loved him dearly. At his bachelor party prostitutes were brought in and of course the testosterone in the room became elevated and the groom and other men in the room started to go into separate bedrooms and have sex with the women. In some instances, the men were watching other men have sex with these women. I was married at the time and when these things started to occur I knew it was my time to exit. I simply finished my beverage and walked out of the door telling everyone goodnight. Most of those men never said anything to me after that, in fact they saw me at the wedding and I saw the groom, but I knew he grew up in that locker room culture and he thought that was OK. The marriage of course ended several years later because it started in a place of total disrespect and disregard for the union. The men who are my friends knew: for me, that was not acceptable.
I am not the guy you want at a strip club or a bachelor party. I know I don’t fit in. I look into the eyes of a woman in this position and I wonder, “why” or “this is someone’s daughter, or mom”. I don’t believe in taking advantage of women, especially where money is involved. Don’t get me wrong, I love nothing more than a woman with no clothes on offering me the “goodies”. I just happen to like that same woman to be the woman that I actually have feelings for, have come to desire and hope that if I do right the first time…she will want to return. I always thought it was extraordinarily stupid to ask a woman “how was it” because if she didn’t like it, she simply won’t come back. Dumb question.If you shut up and hold her long enough, she may tell you without your having to ask. Frankly, great sex is more pleasurable with an intelligent woman . . . but they don’t come to the LRBOD.
I had a grandmother I loved dearly, a sister, a daughter and so many women I have loved and respected. When I see beautiful women I will look as most men do (it’s in our hunter conquest DNA, it’s the little hairy beast inside all of us that stays under lock, key, passcode, and retina scan that if let loose would create Tazmanian Devil level havoc). I respect the women in my life, I revere my grandmother’s memory and the expectations that my mother, sister, female friends, even ex-girlfriends have set upon me. I like being that man that they feel safe with. Who will protect them, who will never, ever, under no circumstance “kiss and tell” or betray their trust.
I am not sure when it became OK in our society where we raise young men to make them feel that it’s okay to have sex or a sexual conquest and then turn around and tell all their friends about a woman’s proclivities in bed. Even among my male friends I never slept with a woman and felt the need or the urge to boast about it. Have we as men forgotten that It’s a privilege to have a woman even want to sleep with you? (Face it we can be kind of gross). It’s called being a gentleman for a reason (a gentle-man). If it makes you feel more like a man to grab a woman by the hair and force her into submission, you’re really missing the whole point of the act. And if she wants you too, understand the boundaries and that it really isn’t all about you.
Men do not talk about sexually assaulting women; sexual predators do. And let’s be real here, men with millions of dollars may get to have sex with lots of women, but contrary to what their ego tells them, these guys wouldn’t see the vagina if they didn’t have the money and/or the power…seriously. No thinking woman would screw Donald Trump if he wasn’t rich or powerful (and power is relative).
Clearly, Trump is all the things that Mr. Greenburg says and more:
“Donald Trump brings shame to our entire gender. He is the living, fire-breathing, fear-evoking, hate-mongering, violence-threatening, sexist, racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, avaricious, insecure, intolerant, egomaniacal, bombastic, braggadocios, greedy sexual harassing manifestation of everything that is wrong with American men.”
But men like that aren’t my friends, they don’t want to be my friends. I don’t condone nor do I accept that behavior from my male friends. The “men” that Mr. Greenburg is referring to are those self-entitled privileged white males and some black athletes who feel it’s OK to knock women out in elevators, or leave women with babies in every state where their team plays. Those males who feel that women are objects, or feel that it’s ok to grab one of God’s feminine gifts by their genitals as they grunt “me…man”. Those men are slowly — thankfully — dying off and taking their misogyny with them.
I consider this response to be in agreement with everything Mr Greenburg said in his article adding my truth: I do not feel embarrassed for my gender because of Trump’s behavior. His behavior depicts men who feel they are entitled to act in that manner.
As respectful, kind men, it is our responsibility to call this type of behavior out, to label it as the ignorance that it truly is and offer our own behavior as an example of decent men who love the women in their lives/ We can show the world that his behavior is not acceptable to those of us who respect ourselves and the women in our lives. Unfortunately, Billy Bush didn’t have the gumption to tell Donald Trump that his behavior was not cool, especially towards his friend Nancy O’Dell, whom he worked with…stupid, stupid move Billy Bush.
It’s up to us men to be the change we want to see. To call out the stupid archaic behavior that exists in men like Trump, Giuliani, Bannon, and his ardent supporters who want us to be foolish enough to believe that their endorsement without defending his words is “good enough”. To publicly disagree without action is approval and endorsement of all that’s wrong with this candidate. Trump is a role model of what’s wrong with some men, I dare say many men with wealth, power and stardom that somehow feel that they have a “pass” when it comes to gross and degrading behavior.
He is the poster child for behavior unbefitting a Commander in Chief. Anyone still want to vote for this guy after this point?
I will be the one running the finishing school for men on K street, and after hours I will be selling weaved baskets with horse dung in them in front of the Trump White House if your guy gets in. And if you act now, I will sell you my big basket of crap with fake gold paint on top…aka the Trump dump.
Do you want to be part of ending sexism, racism, and homophobia?
Photo credit: Getty Images
Originally published at goodmenproject.com on October 12, 2016.