The Sports Fan in the Arena
Buffalo Bills fans are hurting this week, and understandably so, following the devastating loss to the Kansas City Chiefs in the NFL Divisional Round — and especially due to the manner in which the Bills lost the game after having a lead with 13 seconds remaining. I was numb for hours after the game, struggled to fall asleep, and was listless throughout the day on Monday. The weather in Buffalo piled on, with a cold, gray sky and nuisance snowfall that arrived just in time to impact the commute home.
I compiled the following tips for myself Monday evening to help me move on from the loss but after talking to so many fellow fans, I decided to share in hopes some of the suggestions may be useful to others. Your mileage may vary of course, but this is what has worked for me with past sports heartache and what I’m adhering to now.
24 Hours — Many professional athletes describe a 24-hour window to celebrate a win or scrutinize a loss, after which they move on to the next game and opponent. Similarly, I’ve found after a tough defeat it’s important to give myself 24 hours to analyze, talk about, and process the loss before beginning to detach and move on. The quantity of hours is just a guideline, you may prefer 72 hours or even a whole week. What’s most important is you set a boundary that will help you manage and get past the loss.
Limit Exposure to Information and Opinions — After 24 hours, I make a concerted effort to stay off or limit my time on sports sites and social media. I also do not tune into local sports talk radio when the discussion continues to focus on the game. For me, I’ve found after a certain point, there is no more new or relevant information or opinions, and I’m simply pouring salt in the wound. Similarly, you may want to give yourself the out of not watching some or all of the rest of the (playoff) games. Here I will usually assess how I’m feeling. Sometimes I’ll watch as normally, other times I may have the game on, but in the background while I work on household tasks. I’m not yet sure if I have the stomach to watch the Chiefs again this season.
Help Your Brain Shift Perspective — Research suggests that a sports loss activates the same region of the brain as physical pain, and the greater the stakes of the game (and loss), the worse the pain feels. Similarly, we know that for some people, replaying a painful memory can actually intensify the pain and make the symptoms worse. Turning to other activities and interests other than sports will help prevent your brain from layering on and adding to the painful sports loss memory.
The Glass is Still Full — Remember that even with the absolute worst losses (like this one), the team’s defeat does not tarnish your experiences over the years as a fan. The loss does not undo all of the fun, tailgating, gameday memories, football with family moments, thrilling victories, people you engaged with about the team, and celebrations with the rest of the worldwide Bills community. Sports moments remain special because they and their importance are not diminished when your team loses.
Stand Proudly in Your Arena — Finally, much like the professional athletes I watch, I remind myself that like them I am an individual in my own arena and do not have to answer to anyone mocking my team or listen to their disparaging remarks about the loss, the team, the history of the franchise, or my city. I have come to understand that I do not have to let negativity into my arena. I do not have to justify my Bills fandom because the team lost, or previous teams lost four Super Bowls, or the coaches exercised questionable judgment. It’s my arena and my safe place, for me and my team.
Part of my inspiration for this stance is from Theodore Roosevelt’s famous “Man in the Arena” speech that I feel is important to quote fully here.
Stay strong, Bills Mafia.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
