Little Ideas Only, Please

I’m notoriously bad at long term projects.

Cait Lyn
Aug 12 · 2 min read

This is the second week in a row I’ve been late for my own weekly writing. Large-scale projects have never been for me. Every long project I’ve gotten was done in one major day. Whether that day was extremely early or at the last procrastination-filled second depended on how much I was interested in it. Most often I’d do a reasonable amount early on, then never touch it again until it was time to panic. I’d be interested, that first time — but then the interest was gone.

Writing blogs every week might be the best I ever worked at anything, and now I’m failing at that too.

The sad thing is, it only took one week. One off, overwhelmed week where it just didn’t happen. Somehow I wasn’t mentally able to find the 45 minutes I needed to throw out a puff piece and at least chalk it up as an attempt.

In fact, it’s been 24 hours since I wrote the last paragraph, which is about 24 hours passed my self-imposed deadline.

And six days since I wrote that.

I wish I was better with habits. They say it only takes 4–6 weeks of repetition to form a habit. I can’t tell you if I’m missing that window, or if I’m just habit resistant. I’m easily overloaded, easily pushed away when presented with half an ounce of stress. I want to focus on what caused the stress. Everything else goes promptly out the window.

I hate how much easier it is to break a habit than to keep it. I only lost one week of writing, and yet here I am, barely scraping my way out of making it a second one. I don’t like to concentrate — somehow I was better at that as a child than I find myself being now. When all the choices are mine, it appears that I choose distraction.

Will that ever improve? I don’t know. I thought I had this habit ingrained in me by now. Maybe I’m failing because it’s a weekly habit, not a daily one. Maybe I’ll be better for hitting this bump yet carrying on.

But I gotta say, writing this has not been easy.

Cait Lyn is a lazy lump who may have just derailed their whole writing career. If you want to see how good it was when it lasted, check other Medium articles or the greater internet here.


Cait Lyn

Written by

Cait Lyn

Also known as FrayingPages. Strong advocate for a good life crisis and a bold cup of coffee. Weekly uploads on Sunday, and random pieces when I feel like it.

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