Rape Culture: Four Things Every Woman Needs To Know
Caitlin Johnstone

A lot of this I agree with, but there are a couple of things here that I think are just plain bad advice for any woman that wants to have a healthy relationship with a man (or with another woman, for that matter).

First: “You have all the sexual power… If a guy really wants it, then he can work his ass off for it.”

That’s pretty bad advice, in my opinion. Using your sexuality as a means of obtaining power is unlikely to lead to a healthy relationship. Use your sexuality as a means of feeling great, feeling “powerful”, yes, all that is good. But don’t you want to enjoy sex with your partner? If not, I suggest you might want to be honest about it. How about you explicitly tell him (or her) something like: “I don’t value having sex with you. Instead, I plan to use it as a means of making you work your ass off. Do you still want to be in a relationship with me?” Then, it the answer is “no” do the decent thing and walk away.

Second: “Men … can go indefinitely on masturbation alone with no real problem.”

Well, that’s true, in a purely physical sense. But when your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you, it certainly can lead to feeling lonely and frustrated. (And by the way, this happens to both women AND men.) I agree 100% that “the correct determining factor for whether or not you have sex is whether or not you want to have sex.” But don’t you (speaking to both women and men out there) really actually want to have sex as part of your romantic relationship with your partner? I mean, not just whenever your partner wants or when you’re not feeling like it, but you do want it to happen, don’t you? If not, and if that works for your partner, then OK, fine for you both. But on the other hand if your partner does want to have sex (with you) as part of your relationship, and you are ignoring that fact, it’s going to create difficulties. Using your partner’s desire for you as a way to get him to do the dishes is, in my opinion, a horrible idea if you want a healthy sexual relationship with your partner. That’s really bad relationship advice. If you have a problem with negotiating over responsibilities for household chores, by all means you and your partner better work that out. I suggest you keep sex out of the equation, or risk finding yourself also having to go on indefinitely on masturbation alone.

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