Don’t become a slash-and-burn digital nomad. Build sustainable micro-lives instead.
Expats have long existed under their own conspicuous banner — from the Grant Tourists of 18th Century Rome and Athens to the colonial viceroys of Calcutta and Bengal.
But only in more enlightened times has the moniker begun to cause contention….
What separates an ‘expat’ from an ‘immigrant’ ?
Seemingly it would be the inherent privilege, skin colour and luxury of choice of the former, the incalculable benefits of which, the latter has had to do without.
Having choice is a privilege but the paradox of choice leads to a self-inflicted purgatory for the modern digital nomad.
Destined to flit around the world, seeing things and ticking destinations off an arbitrary list without ever forging a real connection to a place or its people.
These expat bubbles are prevalent on every continent:
Anglophone co-working spaces.
Sleek, white restaurants with low-fi beats.
Minimalist, scandi-coffee roasteries.
If it weren’t for the air-con and sun-burnt, sarong wearing clientele you could be in Northern Europe…
Naturally, when we visit somewhere new for the first time we will unconsciously follow the path of least resistance to facilitate our transition.
This may mean buying your food from a recognisable looking bar-front or overhearing a familiar accent and engaging in a low-investment conversation because “hey look we’re from the same place!”.
It’s easily done, but it’s a dangerous trap….
So often when a group of expat friends finally decamp and make their way to the next hot-spot, they check out of that country for good, having never really gotten to know the place, its people and their culture.
It deprives them not only of authentic and memorable experience in the moment but it robs them of the possibility to build real micro-lives that they can return to and nurture over the years.
It is a privilege to be able to travel and work anywhere in the 21st Century and it is an opportunity wasted by most…
Do you want to know how to avoid it and build something meaningful instead that you can return to, like a long-lost friend or a second homecoming?
I thought you might.
- Build a network of local friends from scratch on day one
If building a web of contacts in a new city from zero sounds overwhelming it really shouldn’t.
In a perverse way, the internet has actually made making (resl) friends much harder.
Before everyone had a smartphone, striking up a conversation with stranger in a cafe or bar wasn’t considered to be the behaviour of a mad-man, but now there is inevitably a stigma attached to it.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t do it…
You definitely should.
If however you want to approach the challenge in a more casual way there are heaps of apps and websites where you can connect with a local at the click of a button.
Here are just a few:
- tandem.net — for language exchanges, making local friends and asking questions about a region
- internations.org — for local meetup groups that host drinks evenings, guided tours and forums for locals and nomads in the area.
- toursbylocals.com — for the insight of a private guide who can show you around the city, recommend genuinely local spots and may even invite you to hang out with them later on.
- showaround.com — the same as above
- meetup.com — for themed events with a mixture of locals and tourists
- Lastly, If you are a native English speaker you can volunteer your services at one of the many English speaking clubs that exist all over the world. Here you can be of service whilst meeting plenty of locals away from the swarms of digital nomads.
When you’re building new network from scratch in a new city, you don’t need money or invites you need serendipity. The more people you put yourselves in front, the more serendipity naturally occurs in your life.
2. Learn the language, however imperfectly
Anyone who has been following me for more than five minute will not be surprised by this point.
Language learning is a major part of my routine and I have designed my life to create new opportunities and build on existing habits in this way.
If you’re not an aspirational polyglot freak like me, however, you may quite rightly be asking yourself:
“why should I learn a language if everyone speaks English?”
Again, this boils down to beautiful magic of serendipity.
The more languages you speak, the higher your vibration of serendipity will be…
Think of the thousands of conversations that you overheard but didn’t understand. The people you could have known and who you might have liked or loved if you had spoken their language.
It’s an intoxicatingly enchanting but also a regretfully painful thing to consider when you think about it.
It does (I do understand) require an enormous amount of effort and motivation, particularly if you only plan to spend a couple of months in a certain place.
However, you are not aiming for fluency, you are engaging and demonstrating a willingness to make an effort to connect and better understand the place and culture you are in.
Similarly, you would be amazed just how many doors start to open up for you if you can string together a few sentences in the local, native language.
You don’t even have to start learning before you go — you can do it anywhere at any time.
I use Italki to learn to speak conversationally and have done for 6 years to exponentially increase the quality of micro-lives that I have enjoyed in Portugal, France and Ukraine during this time.
3. Seek out places that resonate with your values and beliefs (not just your instagram account)
If hot weather is your only prerequisite as a footloose and fancy free remote worker, then you are destined to travel interminably through the seven circles of expat hell.
Repetition leads to boredom and boredom can only be satisfied by novelty.
You see how this problem compounds as expats slash and burn the opportunities they have to build a micro-life worth returning on the wild-goose-chase for new stimuli.
The vogue that exists today for deep work and dopamine detoxes can equally be applied to locational arbitrage.
When you embrace slow-travel you get curious about a place and its history.
You begin to break away from the pack and indulge yourself with solo wanders, meandering around a town or city in wide-eyed bewilderment.
You read more about the culture and you ask your newly-established acquaintances open questions like ‘why’ and ‘how’ and will inevitably receive answers that resonate with you and connect you to the place far more deeply than the red pinpoint on your iphones location.
If you follow these three maxims you may almost shed a tear when you relocate to your next remote-working destination.
You needn’t worry though, because you will almost definitely be coming back again in the future.
TL;DR
Building sustainable micro-lives in different countries requires the persistence of serendipity. You generate serendipity by putting yourself in front of new people and finding commonalities with them.
Your vibration of serendipity increases when you speak multiple languages (however badly), engage with a multitude of different people and get curious about the values of the inhabitants of the country that you are presently in.
Freddie Kift — I write about language learning, communication, flow states and working remotely.
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