you people are out of your minds, Master of None is terrible

There’s no accounting for taste and what you like in art is subjective and difference makes the world go round etc. etc. But also seriously you people have lost your goddamn minds when it comes to Master of None, the terrible, terrible Aziz Ansari vehicle that has gotten universally rapturous reviews. I’ve never seen critics gush like this. The Wire wishes it could get press this good. I read critics getting impossibly horny for it and then I watch the actual show and I feel like I’ve been concussed.

Both seasons of this terrible show have a literal 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. 100%! For both! That means that out of all the times it’s been reviewed in prominent or semi-prominent places, there hasn’t been a single net-negative review. How is that possible with this garbage show?

The acting is so bad. It is so, so bad. It is dinner theater bad. It’s MST3K bad. Even the good acting seems strained because of its context. Eric Wareheim is really good in it but it’s like his scenes were sloppily cut in from an entirely different show. Using people who aren’t professional actors in your professional show is only good if it works, and it doesn’t here, at all.

Every episode has some broad, hit-you-in-the-face MESSAGE. There’s a total disregard for plot beyond the laziest contrivances necessary to get Aziz to lay whatever lame bauble of wisdom he wants to dole out to his audience. They might as well just write out “The Moral of Today’s Story” at the bottom in big print like a cheesy edition of Aesop’s Fables. It’s like some asshole coming up to you at the bus stop and saying “Ready to have your mind blown? Modern life is often alienating and lonely.” Thanks for the insight, Socrates, I’ve never been exposed to such wisdoms before.

Isn’t “a childless celebrity noodles around Brooklyn, seemingly free of any professional responsibility or economic needs, nattering on about The Meaning of Life and hanging out all day with other people who seem unaware of the concept of ‘a job’ or ‘having to pay the rent,’ while shoehorning in Big Thinking About the Issues of the Day” a parody of shitty contemporary TV? Isn’t this exactly the sort of thing that we’re all supposed to be tired of? How in the hell is Lena Dunham’s version of this show so incredibly polarizing while Aziz Ansari’s is universally critically adored? I mean, sexism, obviously. But even beyond that: I thought you all were agreed that the inane ramblings of navel-gazing Williamsburg residents weren’t a subject worthy of mass entertainment. Remember that?

What the hell is going on here, man. I’m so perplexed.