WARNING! SATIRE AHEAD!
The Covid-19 pandemic has occupied the national spotlight mostly for the number of deaths it has caused worldwide. Nowhere has this been felt more acutely than United States.
However It has also taken its toll on supply chains and resources but one that has received little attention of late is the Republican Party’s “Scapegoat” Stockpile.
“We’re fast approaching critical mass with our SG stock,” said RNC chairperson Ronna McDaniel.
“Normally we’d blame a Democrat and call it a day. And with the help of our media partners at Fox News we’d be able to…
WARNING: SATIRE AHEAD
In move that stunned absolutely no one at a press conference in the Rose Garden today President Trump claimed to have built the White House “brick by brick” during his first term in office.
“I decided to name this the Rose Garden. Why? Because there’s roses there. Who doesn’t like roses? But when I got here there was nothing. Just a patch of dirt.”
As Trump gestured to a blank piece of white cardboard an aide drew what he thought the President Trump might say next outlining the completely counter factual claims of the…
Manafort Reminding Trump About All Those Recorded Conversations He Still Has Shortly After the Indictment Came Down
White House sources leaked early Monday morning that White House Chief of Staff and newly christened “Blue Falcon” military veteran John Kelly was especially distraught at his loss in the White House Indictment Office Pool.
Kelly reportedly debated calling in sick after the revelation of Friday’s indictment by Special Prosecutor Mueller was Trump’s former campaign manager Paul Manafort and not Jared Kushner.
“I really thought it was gonna be that snot nosed little shit,” grumbled Kelly who’d recently sullied his reputation by defending…
Saul Terrycloth, owner and operator of Saul’s Open Robe Emporium and Sundries, stared at the racks of open robes on display as a handful of customers browsed indifferently. The once bustling regional retailer giant was now on life-support.
“You know there was a time this place would’ve been packed. Sometimes I’d even have a line to get in the place. Isn’t that crazy?” He said with a smile as he recalled happier times. “But now I’ll be lucky if I get three or four sales all day.”
Recent allegations of sexual misconduct against disgraced political analyst Mark Halprin, and human-troll-masquerading-as-a-human-being…
This morning, Hell Inc. released a statement in response to sexual harassment claims made by six hundred and sixty six former and current employees against Satan, Lord of Lies. As of today, Satan has officially resigned his position as CEO and is no longer employed by Hell Inc.
The board quickly announced shortly after Satan’s resignation that long time Hell Inc. Senior Executive Vice President of Customer Experience Operations, Lilith, would replace the Prince of Darkness as the Interim CEO of Hell Inc.
“Satan’s long service not withstanding, the board members of Hell Inc. made the decision to send a…
After a brief argument with Daily Banter Czarist Dictator Ben Cohen about whether mileage should be reimbursed in fast food coupons or “Buy Ya Lunch Sometime”, I found myself in the suburbs of Northern Virginia (NoVA) to meet with a man who would only call himself “Blue”.
“This Blue fella, conspiracy nut, but says he’s got something big!” Mr. Cohen, as he prefers for me to address him, said to me over the phone as I verified the address he texted me. “Could be a Russia thing. Could be a space alien thing. Don’t really know but says he won’t…
Amidst a tidal wave of allegations surrounding disgraced movie producer Harvey Weinstein, Hollywood entertainment industry executives have teamed up with Washington lawmakers in an effort to end sexual harassment nationally.
“Ladies. We hear you,” said an anonymous entertainment executive. “We have some good, quality men on this panel and we’ll get to the bottom of this. America’s gals you don’t need to worry. We’re on the job.”
Republican Leaders were ecstatic after President Trump gave himself a perfect score on his administration’s handling of Puerto Rico during a press conference.
When Trump was asked by reporters how he’d grade his administration’s efforts on the relief effort from Hurricane Maria Trump didn’t hesitate.
“I’d give ourselves a 10. 10 out of 10.”
“Anyway you slice it, this Puerto Rican thing was a beast to handle. To come away with a 7 would’ve be a “Heck Of A Job Brownie” but to get a 10?! …
Political scientists at the Presidential Politics Institute of Washington D.C., colloquially known as “The Beltway Consensus”, were stunned after discovering pictures of former President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama reading to school children.
Skeptical of such a tall tale I was nonetheless sent out by Banter Editor “El Jefe” Ben Cohen to confirm the authenticity of the find.
“It’s truly bizarre,” said Dr. Henri Obliviously, Head of the PPI, as he looked over pictures of the former President and First Lady making monster faces during their reading of “Where the Wild Things Are”.
“Why was this information such…
Humanity was stunned today as aliens from “a galaxy far, far away” made first contact through a hastily assembled press conference given by their earthly legal representation from the law firm of Rodriguez, Smith, Rodriguez.
“The extraterrestrial entity known as Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes are a group of well respected, intergalactic, planetary entertainers and artists who dispute the events recounted by Congressional Candidate Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, and seek either clarification or retraction concerning their 1986 meeting,” said Miguel Rodriguez, lawyer for the Nodes.
In 2009, Republican Congressional Candidate Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, who is running to take the seat…
Writer, RPG Geek and Hip Hop Head who is still Checking the Rhime for Electric Relaxation, but sometimes gets Lost in the Supermarket.