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After contemplating suicide

I just want rest. I just want one day
where my voice feels smooth again.
Where words still feel like rocks
but now at least are slick with rain. Honestly, 
I just want rain, want southern thunder and lightning
and is it so much to ask for it all 
to roll over the field that I call my body 
on a bad day? I just want a body
I can lie down and take a nap inside of. Otherwise,
I want no body. It isn’t safe. I want air or something
like smoke…

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