Why are you around all these toxic men?
You’ve had all these experiences that sound horrific and awful and I am not Blaming you, but I am wondering why you are hanging out/friends with/interacting with on a regular basis the kinds of toxic men you have described. If they are family: speak up and say something. That’s feminism. If they are your “friends,” what the fuck? Say something. If they don’t like that shit, fuck them and the horse they rode in on. You don’t need that. If they’re coworkers, fuck that. Say something. To them. To HR. To the CEO. Post it on the work Slack channel devoted to “random/misc”. Speak up. That’s feminism.
I don’t know your situation, so maybe you’re doing all those things already. It doesn’t sound like it, based on this reading. I hope you aren’t living your life cowering in bathroom stalls b/c your so-called “friends” or friends of “friends” are plotting to rape you. That’s fucked up. That’s no way to live.
If people you know are joking about rape, speak up. That’s feminism. If you’re getting eyeballed by the bouncer while he asks you inappropriate questions about your sex life — what the fuck? Leave. Do you really want to patronize an establishment where that behavior is acceptable? Start putting your money where your mouth is. It’s not cowardice to leave a situation that’s unsafe. It’s brave. It’s not “giving in to fear,” it’s the equivalent of a union strike or a boycott. You’re voting with your mind and your body, saying to the world, “This aggression will not stand.”
I hope you can find yourself surrounded by positive male role models. It sounds like you aren’t, currently. Best of luck to you.