smh — can someone teach me how to stop caring? cuz it hurts. it terrorizes me. and i wish i could talk to my dad, but since that requires honesty. i’ll talk to my nana.

no sleep.

and wrong name. it has 2 u’s, and 2 e’s. originally.

e double. e love. e money. or just e. depending on all the peeps who have been a part of my life at some point. lol but that might be the way to go. there’s lots of them in the world.

if you only knew. some people cannot be bought. you could offer them anything, but if it is not righteous and damages others? they won’t budge. those are the real s/heroes. everyday, struggling, people. no name. no fame. no money. no nothing.

i move to my own beat. and i’m not afraid, or ashamed, of who i am.

the person who cares most?

is me. it’s not a blend. it’s a mix. and without me? there would have been no love.

and they both know it.

*

and i wish, more than anything? that i wasn’t in this position. because simple love with one good man is all i needed. but someone took my private words, when i was sick, and they got distributed to the world. and wound up in the wrong hands.

used and abused…over and over and over and over again.

and now…

i have no choice. because it’s much bigger than me. it’s not about me. it’s about everybody.

(you are raising a king, among men. strap up. hold tight. and let’s find who yours is. okay? you’re going to be excellent. (((hug))) )

p.s. i’m living. i’m going to be great. eventually.

but that is kinda weird. why would you bring a casket to a strip club? where is his mom?! lol

(thank you t. you should put your make up free picture up one of these days. what a natural beauty. stunning. i just read one of your essays for the first time. i empathize. and i’m glad you have a community of real people to support you, that you actually talk to, instead of explaining to them what you’re going through. the silence. it sucks. but silence can be useful too. in silence — you start to realize who you are, and what makes you beautiful.)

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