what i really love?

my damn self! lol!!! my fam, my 5 friends. my future husband! and equality for all humanity. i like my future husband? cuz he’s *surprise* physically present. he actually gave me his digits the first day i met him (ya’ll men should try that. women are real human beings lol) — and, his mama’s. because i wanted both. and i suggest every woman who’s interested in man? get his mother’s number. she knows him best.

as for mine ALL MINE, lol even when he can’t be next to me cuz he lives in another country? i don’t take it for granted that i can call him and he actually answers the phone.

i represent me. i can’t represent anybody else but me.

i like good music. that’s not new. i’m fully human. i have emotions, prejudices, flaws, gifts. i’m a regular ass person. which some people don’t seem to understand. learn it quickly. my cuz and my friends will tell you the truth. she’s good people? but she can be a handful. lol

also, i’m tired of scandalous women, and men (race, unimportant). i’m tired of having my ideas ripped off, my life used for ya’ll (race, unimportant). and driving to a damn bridge contemplating suicide over it (race, unimportant). so i’m not looking towards the past — it is depressing as fuck! i don’t want to be reminded of it either. that’s called, being stuck in depression forever.

progress, is what i need for health.

also, just my 0pinion? but we as a human species need to learn how to respect ALL human life, equally. that’s been my philosophy since as far back as i can remember, but if you need any more confirmation as to why that is? can’t help you. kindergarten rules apply: treat others how you want to be treated. it doesn’t mean you have to like everybody or everything about a person? but you don’t treat people differently based on something like the color of their skin.

i go off on people who do real bad shit. not on joe shmoe because of the color of his skin. he’s human. he has feelings. lol

also, there will be NO killing of endangered species, because all i need to do is show a pic of that shit to a 7 year old kid? and he’s angry, and then upset. race, unimportant.

kids shouldn’t have to be subjected to that, um — abuse.

a 7 year old knows better.

he has excellent teachers.

(people have their own systems of belief. i respect that. i don’t like religion. i think it’s accountable for a lot of the world’s problems. and i don’t believe in god. just good human beings. that’s me. do you.)

(each man i’ve loved? i’ve loved unconditionally. they were flat broke, and struggling. that didn’t matter to me. but when i needed unconditional love in return? they were nowhere to be found. if you think that i would EVER subject myself to that type of abuse again? you are incorrect. i will always love those men. and i am not coming back because they had AMPLE opportunity. and they decided to throw me away, like a piece of trash. so,

i’m recycling myself. lol those men owe their lives to other women. women that have done everything for them. and they must learn to appreciate and support good women who put their entire lives on the line/on hold to help their’s. I will not betray women. wrong chic lol. they made those decisions. and while i chose them? they didn’t choose me. it hurt like you would not believe. but, i’m healing…and no one will be stopping that process. because many know? i deserve to heal.

I’m off this topic because the pain of thinking about it is so overwhelming? That I cannot control the tears. I remember being in class and I could not stop the tears. I was so embarrassed. My kids were in shock. I had to leave school in the middle of the day I was in so much accumulated emotional pain… it started fucking with my job, both times. I told both of them what it was doing to me

Complete silence…

from men who do bad things. And you beg and beg and beg. And they ignore you, and they mock you, and they laugh…

That’s on them. The pain they feel now is their own personal self created hell.

I’m getting happy. And living up.

Pa’lante! :)