when you can’t even post a picture of you and your man, cuz somebody gonna try and grab him!(i ain’t posting no picture of my man. men are like puppies. weak. and you have to train them, like puppies. sometimes, i think it’s just wasted energy, trying to teach a man how to respect you. it’s draining. and heartbreaking. and they waste your time with their patriarchy.)

rule 1) go straight to the women who raised him. if they accept bullshit, from a “bitch nigga” (men who use this language are sending you a message about men, LISTEN! lol) or better yet, if they’ve cut his ass off and don’t support him at all? *red flag!!!* the women in his family? know him best. better than you do. same rules apply that you apply to your own sons (and daughters, for that matter). you know them best. and, you best BELIEVE you gonna get what they did if he’s a nasty piece of shit. and then you got to fight to the death. any nigga who even PUTS you in that position, doesn’t respect his mother. at all. check his language. if he calls his mom, “mother” in that condescending way? good chance he’s not a very good man. and will grow up to disrespect women, based on what his mom has taught him, through her actions. i’ve seen enough little boys, and heard them speak, to know that i ain’t lyin. (this is when teachers, especially teachers who are mothers? wanna pop your kid. and remain super super patient. i, take out my own frustrations? by writing through them. but i know teachers who jog and swim, meditate and pray to the holy heavens that they don’t snap somebody’s neck. lol in middle school? you REALLY start to hear what SOME — not ALL — young men really think about women. and, it’s also when middle school girls start writing poetry about sexual harrassment. that time some boy smacked them on their asses, or grabbed a boobie. there need to be codes of discipline surrounding these incidents. sexual harrassment in schools? usually goes unnoticed, and undelt with. restorative justice techniques for addressing these conflicts? can be pretty effective.)

2) if you catch that nigga in another woman’s bed? i say…OFF WITH HIS HEAD! come on with that!! there are 3.5 billion of these dudes (some of them not worth shit, i agree. i’ve already warned you about the ones i know about who use and abuse women. are ya’ll into abuse, daddy issues, or something? cuz i’m not really feeling some man treating me like shit. or, who is terrified of me cuz i speak my truth. i seen my daddy do it. “you’re a liability not an asset” “no, i don’t love you”and they bounced. quick. to the next chic? or 1,000 of them. i don’t even know. lol)

3) resign yourself to it? if you’re gonna buy his mess. women do the majority of everything. don’t do it. he will walk all over you. make him do what he’s supposed to do. if he starts that “women’s role” shit? it’s a clear sign that he’s abusive and needs to be cut, like a dog who bites everybody and you’re like, yo dog, you gotta be put down. you’re untrainable. and haven’t learned a thing. and i have no more time to waste. biotch!!! lol

4) don’t be a hoe. (i have no problems, at all, with women trying to get their money, especially women of color who make like, 60 cents for every white man’s dollar. if that dude is willing to pay you three hundred and 50 bucks and hour? to whip him, or whatever? more power to you. but don’t think you’re teaching him a lesson on how to treat all women. if he has enough money to do that? it’s because he’s already a patriarch, and is usually paying some woman? 60 cents on his dollar. lol) men respect women who really keep their legs closed to other men.

5) pick a GOOD one. scope him like a HAWK! i don’t check phones, or pants for numbers and shit like that? i believe in TRUST. if he says he’s not cheating on you? you can give him the benefit of the doubt. but, you can tell by little things. how he disrespects you in public. how he won’t hold your hand. how he sneaks around on the DL. and if his car is more important than you are? someone else has been riding in it. lol if he flat out tells you he’s bisexual, you gotta be very very careful!! he is telling you? he’s going to be much more difficult, and you may not be able to keep him unless you’re willing to share him with niggas. which is fine, if you’re okay with open and honest relationships. but then, you gotta be REAL CAREFUL. LATEX CONDOMS. because if he’s black and messing with men? there’s a 1 in 2 chance that he will become hiv positive (it’s not a diss. no disrespect. it’s a fact. and women need to protect themselves at all costs).

IMPORTANT: this advice is for black and brown gay and bisexual men too. i grew up around a crew of gay men, most of whom died from aids in the 80’s and early 90’s. PLEASE USE CONDOMS!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!

6) don’t sell yourself short. if he even suggests that you have to share him? let him know. oh no the hell i don’t! you might wake up with your little winky dink shoved down your throat. (unless you like to share your man, then more power to you. i don’t. and i make this CRYSTAL CLEAR from jump. set the ground rules early. if he breaks them, kick him in his nuts — and run. he will be immobilized and rolling on the ground anyway — brotherly advice. lol)

7) take emotion out of it for a second (women are ride and die passionate), if you told that dude, listen homie, i got a man. you gonna be my side “bitch”. what do you think he would do?find another girl. and still be messing with you. be smart. think with your head, and your heart.

8) men with daughters? the path gets brighter for women…this is usually 50/50. if, they’ve confronted their OWN patriarchy (which can be tough work. we live in a 100% male dominated world, though *women hold up 1/2 the sky* — check that). you gotta give THEM the opportunity to present their case. they usually have some insightful things to say. you can tell which men really respect their daughters and which don’t? by the way their daughters carry themselves. and, by the words that come out of their mouths. (boys are listening to the message. usually on phones, and in rap music. if you are talking about bitches, and hoes, etc? they’re hearing it. and they repeat it, and start to believe that ALL women act like this. i’ve never allowed those words in my classes. and, every year i’ve taught a lesson on this. hip hop education needs to brought into every urban public school in america — bump that, EVERY school in america. it’s a safe space for young boys and girls to process the music they’re listening to, and what exactly is the message. remember, we live in a white male capitalist patriarchy, and the people who are making all the money off what you’re saying? are the owners of these labels. not the rappers that are making the music. the disrespect and degradation of women? sells like hotcakes, all over the globe. don’t buy it if you don’t like it. AND NOTE: if all a man talks about in his music IS “bitches” and “hoes”? he has been hurt by women. don’t be one of those women. )

9) men with sisters. another tough one. if they haven’t already been consumed? they listen. especially if they love you. i have a brother who treats his wife like an EMPRESS. i mean, he loves her to the moon and back again. he’s the most gentle soul. and my step mom and dad met? because we became friends, in daycare. we hooked it up cuz we wanted to hang with each other? outside of school. lol men who have ONLY sisters? you might have a winner. those are the men who have no problems going to the store and buying you tampax and are all crampy in bed. they EVEN know the sizes. lol!!! ish like that…lol

10) damaged people DO damage people. women have fewer tools to combat it. we use what’s at our disposal. look at people’s ACTIONS. ACTIONS are usually a pretty good indicator of character. if you say, for example, “please make a song for the kids to tell donald trump what it is” you can bet that they are being introspective and self reflective.

11) therapy helps men too. it’s not just for “crazy bitches” lol GO! there’s nothing wrong with getting yourself well, and trying to change your life around. lol super patriarchal men? will think YOU’RE the one with the problem, when actually — you’re a very good girlfriend, and WOMAN. there’s nothing wrong with helping and holding up a man who is putting in his fair share of WORK.

12) height. i know, right? you think this isn’t a factor. it is. our society also discriminates against men. tells them they are not REALLY men if they are shorter than “average”. men can go both ways on this. realize that height has nothing to do with your character, or, get super super patriarchal — to prove that they are supermen. never make fun of a man’s height. even lovingly (my mistake, and i’m sorry if i hurt your feelings. i just thought it was cool that we could see, eye to eye.) don’t bother comparing who’s taller. it’s not worth it.

loyal faithful men? are diamonds. they are rare, because women tell them, through their actions? (posts, tweets, etc.) that they can do whatever they want, and get away with it. i tell them, your little tiny penis? is worthless. i have a clitoris. it’s an ORGAN, not an appendage. and it’s more poweful than your little winky dink tootsie roll nothingness — in every single sense of the word. so, since i’m doing all the work by myself? i might as well masturbate. remember how you REALLY get it, anytime a dumb nigga tries to play that “i’m a man” shit. lol

i hope this helps. just stuff i’ve learned. feel free to add your own thoughts to the mix. i’m sure you have some lessons for me as well. nothing wrong with expressing yourself. it’s america.

disclaimer: my language is harsh. it’s years and years of abuse and misuse. i won’t apologize for it. i KNOW how i roll. in action. oh, and i’m not coming back again. or coming to you. if i spent YEARS and YEARS, writing to you on how women are to be treated? and you didn’t listen? that’s your problem. and i owe you nothing. i have a boyfriend now. i must be NUTS! lol he was raised by all women. no men around at all. and it shows. he is possessive. and will grab my hand quicker than you can spit a rap lyric. and, I LIKE IT. but, RECIPROCITY IS KEY. what you expect from me? i expect from you. it’s very, very simple.

i wish you the best. it’s the wild wild west out here. with real lions, tigers, and bears. 1luv.

oh, and one love to my aunt. she is a BEAST, and doesn’t even realize it. her motto is “send that nigga out your house with the trash bags he came in with” and, nothing’s leaving that you brought in it. love you auntie!

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