‘And’ vs ‘but’

A few weeks ago I did a workshop about effective communication. It talked about the concept of ‘shutting down’ vs ‘building’ when talking with others.

While it didn’t explicitly refer to the use of ‘and’ and ‘but’ all the theory was hugely in line with some advice I’d been given about these two words a few years back.

Often, when talking with other people about ideas, we are quick to say ‘but’ when addressing a challenge that might get in the way.

‘That’s a great idea, but we need to think about X, Y, Z’

Half the time we mightn’t realise it, but the use of this tiny word can completely dismantle whatever idea is being proposed. We might be right that considering X, Y and Z is important, however, by saying ‘but’ we build them up as barriers, rather than working them in as considerations.

‘Thats a great idea, and we need to think about X, Y, Z’

Different, right? If anything, the use of the word ‘and’ actually suggests what the first action might be to help keep the idea moving. It’s a builder.

We rarely recognise the connotations that sit behind the words we use every day. However, paying a little more attention to what language we use means we are more in tune with what we are actually saying.

Next time you’re talking with someone about an idea, try using ‘and’ not ‘but’. It’s a small change that can have a big difference.