Part 1 of 5: An ode to unembarrassment

Not long ago I was asked to do a talk on advice I would give my 20 year old self. Straight off the bat I found this amusing given I’m only 6 years into my twenties and can’t help but wonder how constructive anything I’d have to say would be.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the whole idea of giving advice to a 20 year old in the first place. All I could think was when I was 19 ‘advice’ from anyone claiming to know better than me was probably the last thing I would take – and actually ask for it? Lol. Fat chance.

I appreciate that could just mean I was a brat of a teenager (shout out to Mum and Dad, you guys did great) but even with that aside, the whole ‘advice’ brief already felt like the wrong angle.

Instead what I decided to explore were the key things I’ve learned since hitting my 20s and what experiences I’ve had that had a greater impact over others. These things are fairly tricky to land on without consciously thinking about it, but when you do, sure as rain you’ll remember pivotal moments where something happened that caused you to decide you would/wouldn’t do/buy/care/ignore something anymore.

For me there were five – but today I’m just going to write about the first. Not for any reason other than yesterday I committed to write a blog every day for 30 days. I figure if I can milk this topic for a sixth of those posts I’ll do fewer swears at myself on the days I really don’t feel like writing.

So, first up in pivotal 20s moments: making the decision that I wouldn’t be embarrassed anymore.

Simple? Not exactly.

This all came about when I started being more aware of people doing things for social approval. More specifically online, social media approval. This was circa 21 I’d say. Of all the things Facebook and the gang have done to impact culture, I’d argue the ‘like’ has been the real kicker. As soon as that measure was introduced, people became (even more) hyper aware of what they were posting online because it now had a score. I have literally heard people say “she only got 5 likes on that Instagram, how embarrassing” and “if it doesn’t hit 11 likes in the first 10 minutes you should just delete it”. (A side note to the people who said these things: please be aware it took all the self control in my bones and a general respect for the law not to rattle you upon hearing this). From these kinds of conversations, it became glaringly obvious that online embarrassment for lack of likes was becoming an actual thing. And seriously, wtf, right?

I’m not anti-social media (I work in it) and I’m also not rallying against the inevitable changes it is having on our culture, learning and language. But nothing about the way that seeking approval of other was being magnified seemed worth getting on board with. So I decided I just wasn’t going to buy into that anymore. I was going to unlearn what it was to feel embarrassed and never do anything for the approval of others.

And that’s where it started, and it really just grew from there.

What I didn’t realise at the time was adopting this stance of unembarrassment was also an incredible social sieve. By default, what you do when you’re not worrying about others acts as a magnet for people who are more like you. People get ‘you’ and if they’re into it, you click. If anything, this should really be advice for your ten year old self – it’d make high school a hell of a lot more straightforward.

From something that started off purely as a social media observation, it turned into a pretty good attitude for life in general. When you decide you don’t care about what other people think, you’ve gotten past a frighteningly significant hand brake for not doing things you may have wanted to do in the past. It’s hard to say that without sounding preachy, but it’s true.

In my time (again, probably not actually old enough to use that phrase but whatever), I’ve fallen over more times than I can count, called someone fellatio instead of Feliciano in a board presentation and walked up Oxford Street with my skirt tucked into my tights twice.

Don’t worry, just do. And if it goes belly up, laugh at it knowing there’s a good story in it somewhere down the line. Trust me, unembarrassment is the way to go.