Why we remember the bad bits

Last week I had an interview. It wasn’t for a new job; it’s for something outside of work that I’m very much hoping to be a part of. I had about a week to prepare for it and as with most things that are important, I had all the usual nerves. The night before I even dreamt that I had turned up and hour late wearing slippers.

When my friends asked how it went I defaulted to my usual response, “I don’t really know, I can’t remember”.

This wasn’t a lie either and from what I can gather it’s kind of common. Sometimes when we are so invested in a particular event, once it’s over we go a bit blank.

However, over the following days something strange happened. I started to remember parts of the interview in great detail. And they were all the bad bits. Like, how I completely blanked on how to answer a question I knew was coming. Like how I accidentally said ‘shit’ not once, but twice. Like how I fumbled on certain words.

After a while it felt like I’d pieced together the whole interview and it was the full list of “things not to do”.

Now, I am rational about this. I know I did answer some things well, it wasn’t a total blow out. However, what struck me was how my brain had such greater recall on the weaker parts as opposed to remembering the good bits.

As it turns out, this is a defence mechanism that exists on the deepest levels of our subconscious. Bad memories, fear and anxiety equate to us being in a state of stress or danger. These are all things we try to avoid as they weaken our ability to survive in the world. It really is honing in on our animalistic instincts.

We create memories of bad things as a signal to our future selves to steer clear of them. While we have equal ability to recall good memories, it’s the circumstantial ‘threat’ that will determine what our brains prioritise. In stressful, scary or sad situations (basically all the scenarios we’d want to avoid) our brain will focus on all the trigger points that emphasise this setting. So in the instance of my interview, when I couldn’t string together a coherent answer, this would have further triggered stress which is why I remember it. In the moments after answering a question well I would have been feeling good and unthreatened, therefore my brain didn’t feel the need to register it as such a prominent memory.

It’s the same kind of thinking that applies to big world events. I have a distinct memory of being told about the 9/11 attacks and nearly everything that happened that day at school. I also have total recall of the day my granddad passed away.

If an event occurs which has a significant impact on us and causes us to go into a state of stress, fear, or in these cases grief, our brains go into a hyper functional state creating reference points to protect us from feeling this way in the future.

It’s actually fascinating and is one of those things that makes you realise at the end of it we’re all just part of a biological evolution.

Taking a step back, this logic makes me feel fractionally better about my interview. While I’m still not convinced it was my best show, it does give some reason as to why I remember the bad bits. I find out next week if I’ve made it through to the next round and needless to say whatever the outcome, it will probably provide inspiration for another somewhat reflective post.

What I can say as a more positive take out is that going through this particular application process has allowed to brush up on some practice for these kinds of situations. As I mentioned, this wasn’t for a job, however it made me think interview skills are something we trumpet as being so important, yet don’t ever get any dress rehearsals for. When we are applying for a new job, we get an interview and it’s all go.

So in that sense, whatever the outcome of Friday’s dance is, I can mark it down as invaluable experience.