How the Saudis screwed the Tories in the UK
The Tories were suppose to win but Arab Terror Management screwed them
This just in from the FSB. Theresa may was suppose to win with a bigger majority but somehow it didn’t add up.
To be fair, I ran out of fax paper so when the report came in, I was in bed and didn’t really had the chance to fix it up until morning.
After dragging myself out of bed, I was horrified to find that my report had stalled halfway. Needless to say after a yawn and coffee. I called the FSB to talk to their chief Alex.
Word is, Boris Johnson will lead the new Conservatives after booting out May. Now I do not know if they were referring to James May of Top Gear or Theresa May at that time, I had met James once on a flight to Africa and he seems to be a nice person so I think it must be Theresa.
‘Boris Johnson will be PM” yelled Alex.
Truth be told, I never met Boris and not sure if he was ever a Russian spy since he was born in the US. So I asked Alex if he was one of ours, a deep spy planted during the Cold War.
“No you idiot. We do not train our operatives to speak with one foot in their mouths”
Then I replied, “maybe his Mom dropped him a lot when he was a baby? Happens all the time when you are either evading the FBI or NSA”.
I think at that point, Alex was disappointing with my line of reasoning since I was obviously nonchalant about the whole thing.
“Will you be more serious!” Alex demanded.
This is a rare moment as I know Alex to be a stubborn and immovable mountain. He can hardly get him to bate an eyelid and his stern sense of character will give school going children the nightmares if he ever stared at them too long. But to give him due credit, he is a dependable guy, unlike James Comey formerly of the FBI. Now James is a bit of a dullard. He likes to obey the law and follow what is written in the book. He rarely has the leadership quality needed to lead an army. I remember spying on him more than ten years ago when he was deputy AG. That said, Comey would have made a great middle management tool, which is why I was surprised to find out that he disobeyed Trump. I suspect he was just following orders from the the cabal that actually runs the United States. That is not to say that Comey doesn’t have passion but I think his love for the written law is what made him so conflicted when he gets different sets of orders from two masters. A dog can only have one master.
Anyway I have never seen Alex this livid. So hear this sort of shouting from a mountain, you have to sit up and listen.
He insisted we draw out scenarios on how the UK will lead under Boris.
It is no secret that Boris Johnson was the job at №10. When he was bypass because his corporate master of Newscorp didn’t like him to lead, he was depressed and despondent.
So I told Alex, why don’t you write up the report that it was Boris that did her boss in?
Startled, he then procedded to ask for clues.
Well, let’s look at the big picture. Boris is BFF with the Saudis. All he had to do is remove her since the Tories were already hell bent on winning. By telling the Arab Terror Management team to conduct terror attacks prior to the crucial polls would mean that Theresa is responsible for firing over 17,000 police officers during her stewardship as Home Affairs minister.
So we can conclude that Boris Johnson was instrumental in the ouster of May. Boris only has to make one phone call to the Arabs to get ISIS back on track.
Alex was bewildered. “I never thought of it this way. Splendid Pandy. Well done”.
Alex sounded so relief that we now have the full picture. He then declared that he will write this up to the boss and put in my credit to the report. To that, I declined. Me and Putin aren’t exactly in great talking terms over another spat we had over Abba getting together again to sing.
Needless to say I went out to get lunch and sat on a park bench to watch the beautiful summer in Siberia.