That’s All Folks!

This is not the first instance that the date 28 July holds significance in world affairs. Other memorable events that took place on this very day include but are not limited to:

Soulja Boy being born in 1990. If you’re about to tell yourself that you didn’t just hear “YOOOOOOOOOOUUU CRANK THAT SOULJA BOYYY” in your head as you read that, you’re a big fat liar. And 28th July is a day that big (and fat) liars get served, so watch it buddy.

28 July was also the historic day Alice in Wonderland was released in the USA in 1951. A movie with the plot line; “Alice stumbles into the world of Wonderland. Will she get home? Not if the Queen of Hearts has her way.” — sounds suspiciously familiar to the events of 28 July, 2017. Just replace the words Alice with Nawaz, Wonderland with Panama and Queen of Hearts with Imran Khan. Can’t wait for the Lollywood version of this now. Wonder who will play Nawaz/Alice? My vote is for Taher Shah — we’ll have to do something about his long locks though — but I’ll let hair and make up figure that out.

Sorry I went off track — into Wonderland, if you will — I was in the middle of sharing with you other memorable events that took place on the holy day of 28 July. Back in 1943, the Italian dictator Mussolini stepped down. Himself. Voluntarily. At the time, many assumed his resignation was due to his increasing ill health. On the contrary, The Times reported “”The people know plainly that he has resigned because he is a failure — a failed criminal.”” Now that’s a seriously high level of self awareness — more than I can credit to myself at this point in time. Mussolini, a fascist dictator; whose policies encompassed organizing middle-class youth, controlling workers harshly (which involved, attacking said workers and openly spilling their blood all over Italy) — and who was also known as Adolf Hitler’s junior partner; had the foresight to hand in his resignation when he saw the whole thing about to go up in flames. A decision which unfortunately, our dear Prime Minister — sorry, I mean former Prime Minister (cubed) did not have the presence of mind — or courage to do.

So today — 28 July, above all the notable events shared with you above, will be remembered for you and I as the day the Noon League were finally made to stop singing their looney tunes. Looney tunes, if you will, was a cartoon series introduced by Walt Disney in what was described as the “Golden Age of American Animation”. As Pakistan draws to an end what is potentially the end of the “Golden” age of the Nooney Tunes, let us investigate some of the memorable characters of Looney Tunes — a cartoon we grew up with.

The oldest continuing character of Looney Tunes is Porky Pig. He is described as someone who transitions from a “shy little boy to an immensely fat adult” — Disney’s words, not mine. Porky quickly rose to fame and developed into a wildly popular character as per Disney history, Porky also got most of the laughs. Porky began his career as the main character but eventually was ultimately reduced to “everyman and sidekick roles” as well.

The above description uses excerpts from the Wikipedia page of Looney tunes; if it happens to remind you of someone, that may just be a loony coincidence. Seeing as pigs are haram, some of you may read this with a nauseated expression on your face — again, if there is similarity to your reaction here that reminds you of someone else, it could be just another loony fluke.

I thought I’d continue this article with drawing parallels to every Looney Tunes character and our very own Noon League — or even anyone remotely related to the words Pakistan, JIT or Panama Papers; which significantly ups the pool of potential candidates/characters. I’m disappointed to say that unfortunately; the portrayals of the remaining Looney Tunes characters just did not match the personalities of anyone who is part of Pakistan’s political saga. Mostly because majority of the Looney Tunes characters are far too intelligent, well developed and mature examples of characters. For instance, Bob Clampett who voiced Bug Bunny writes (in the first person), “”Some people call me cocky and brash, but actually I am just self-assured. I’m nonchalant, im­perturbable, contemplative.”. Alas, I could not find a suitable candidate who could fill the witty shoes of Bugs.

I fear Pakistan is in a similar state in searching for someone to fill the shoes of the PM — not that they were particularly large, metaphorically speaking. 28 July is the day Pakistan got rid of the same PM for the third time — this time on accounts of corruption. We are a nation that is defined by “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” — (Fool me thrice, my name is Nawaz?).

Nevertheless, a path has been chosen, potentially a precedent has been set on this historic day of 28 July — not necessarily to jail every corrupt Pakistani around, but to disallow them from being in charge of the state at the very least! So arrest your cynicism, just for today. Don’t be a wet blanket — we have politicians for that. You may think this is an infinitesimal step, but at least it’s in the right direction.

@memegirlsyoucantsitwithus
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