Frumples the Horny Pile of Rocks

Frumples was a pile of rocks. It was unusually horny for a pile of rocks. Anything that is saw it desired to kiss and tell “You’re beautiful.” But Frumples had a problem. It didn’t have a gender. It didn’t know what it was supposed to find beautiful.

One day, an old man came stumbling along. He was bleeding profusely from his stomach. He collapsed in front of Frumples, a sickening rhythm to his breathing.

“Somebody hear me,” the old man gasped. ”I regret so much. I regret that I never did what I should have done. I wanted to be the happiest man alive, but I couldn’t do that without working for it. And I was too tired. I didn’t want to work. I let myself sit around and just enjoy myself, ignoring my dreams whenever they loomed.

“And yet, I regret nothing. Because my greatest dream was to be entirely happy. And I am entirely happy…”

The old man stopped talking. In a few moments, the old man stopped breathing. Frumples was reduced to tears. All of its life, Frumples had been so horny that all it could think about was telling something that it was beautiful. But this old man had reminded him that there was more to life than being horny.

Frumples thought “I must do something more. I must prove my affection for this dead old man goes beyond mere horniness. I must prove that I can love.”

So Frumples took its giant rock genitals and had intercourse with the dead old man’s butthole. It was during this intercourse that Frumples discovered he was a man, and that he was a straight man. He also discovered he was a necrophiliac.

Ashamed and confused, Frumples did something he never thought he would do. He yodeled a loud yodel and from the sky appeared a giant duck.

“I have heard your yodel, Frumples,” the duck said. ”I am at your service.”

“Thank you, Hank the Time Lord Duck,” Frumples stuttered in panic. ”I need you to go back in time and shoot this old man so I can never make sweet love to his poo cave.”

“You’ve got it, Frumples. Believe in your dreams!” And with that, Hank the Time Lord Duck disappeared in a colorful swirl into the time stream to carry out his mission.