Horace the Extremely Ugly Elephant

Sir Jiggles did not like looking at mud. Sir Jiggles did not like looking at poo. But what Sir Jiggles did not like looking at the most was Horace. This was inconvenient, as Horace was his therapist.

“So tell me,” Horace calmly insisted to Sir Jiggles, “How has your week been?”

“Troubling to say the least,” Sir Jiggles reluctantly groaned. He made sure to keep his head directly alligned on the inclined couch as he preferred the view of the ceiling over the view of Horace.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Horace said softly. ”Sometimes our biggest problems can stem from the smallest things. Let’s take an example. What’s something that bothers you just a little bit?”

The first thing that came to Sir Jiggles’ mind was the intense ugliness of Horace. However, Sir Jiggles realized the question only called for something that bothered him a little bit.

“I do not like it when noses look like enormous flaccid penises,” Sir Jiggles muttered.

“I see,” Horace said while taking note. ”Now, can you see what would make a problem like a nose resembling an enormous flaccid penis bigger?”

Sir Jiggles immediately picked up on an innuendo. He was sure Horace must have been embarrassed accidently making a sex joke and breaching their professional relationship. However, Sir Jiggles was not sure if Horace even realized he had made such an innuendo. He would only know by seeing if Horace looked embarrassed. And this could only happen if Sir Jiggles looked at Horace.

Sir Jiggles pinched his eyes together tightly. He didn’t want to punish himself with such a detestable sight, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. At last, Sir Jiggles simply could not resist. He looked at Horace.

To the surprise of Sir Jiggles, Horace did not look embarrassed. His cheeks were not red and he was not bashfully looking in another direction. Instead, he was staring right at Sir Jiggles with a giant grin on his face and squinted eyes. Sir Jiggles knew this face well. This was the sex joke face.

Sir Jiggles returned the face and they both broke out into masculine giggles. Despite Horace’s ugliness, Sir Jiggles realized it was much better to enjoy somebody for what’s on the inside than hate somebody for what’s on the outside.

Later that night, Horace could not stand his ugliness any longer and shot himself in the face. Upon finding his body, his wife picked up the same gun and shot herself in the face. Their two children walked in and both shot themselves in the face.