Masey the Uncool Fan

Toro von Noro was known as the wise man on the mountain. People from all across the world would visit him on his mountain for his wisdom. However, it was a common misconception that Toro von Noro gave out his advice, and he set bear traps on the mountain accordingly.

The mountain was the hottest mountain in the entire world and to cool off, Toro von Noro had thousands upon thousands of fans, each of unique design and colors. He had a different fan to take the task of cooling him for each day, all stored in his enormous fan room.

Masey was the fan all the way in the back corner, at the very bottom of the fan pile. She spent all her days covered by the other fans who all stood a better chance than her of being picked. It frustrated her.

“Yo mothafuck, all ya’ll fans move! I wanna be a fan fo once!” she would cry.
“Shut yo ass up, bitch ass mothafuck,” the fans would respond. “We tired o’ hearing yo moanin’.”

Masey may have stopped talking, but her thoughts were never silenced. She had heard word of Toro von Noro and couldn’t think of any better purpose than to be in his hand, sending a gentle breeze over the sweat in his hairy back folds. He was the wisest man in the world! Masey had to be his fan; she just had to.

One day, Masey hatched a plan. Every night while the fans were sleeping, Masey would inch herself up just a little bit in the fan pile using the back wall. In two weeks, she was over a foot off the floor. In a month, she was almost a quarter of the way to the top of the pile. However, this method just wasn’t working fast enough for Masey.

I need to get to the top of the pile now! thought Masey. Every moment I’m not spending with Toro von Noro is a moment wasted and incomplete!

Frustrated, Masey slammed herself against the back wall and found herself rush upward for a brief second. Masey was startled; she had no idea what had just happened. Curious, she slammed herself against the back wall again. The same thing happened as she was propelled upward.

Masey was overcome with excitement. She tried making the same movement without slamming against the wall and again found herself rocketing skyward once more. She began rapidly jirating herself, and her short bursts of motion transitioned into the fluid art of flight.

In just moments, Masey was at the top of the fan pile. But she could do better. She continued to flap herself, soaring closer and closer toward the entrance to the room. Why not place myself right in front of the room? she thought. Then Toro von Noro is sure to select me!

And Masey did just that. The other fans could not puzzle just how Masey had achieved this. Masey waited, excited for the chance to send perspiration flying from Toro von Noro’s chunky nipples.

Night turned to day and the sun reared its sweltering head. Toro von Noro trudged into his fan room, his clothes sticking to his moist body and his sloppy ass spewing sweat like an open faucet. Masey could hardly contain herself. And to her extreme disappointment, Toro von Noro grabbed a purple fan with a zebra pattern and shuffled away. He’s bound to pick me tomorrow she thought.

But every night, Masey would eagerly wait for the sun to rise, and every day, Toro von Noro would only pick from the same three fans. Masey could not understand. He had an entire room full of fans! How could he only pick three fans to use when all these other fans were desperate to send the ginger chill of a pleasant winter over his sauna-like genitals? Just as Toro von Noro was boiling with heat, Masey was boiling with anger.

One day, when Toro von Noro went to pick the light blue fan with polka dots yet again, Masey screamed at him.

“Why you ain’t payin’ me no fuck attention, you nasty-ass butt faggot?!” she hollered intensely.
“Say whaaaat?” replied a bewildered Toro von Noro.
“You just pickin’ the same fans ovah an’ ovah again an’ I jus sittin’ he’ waitin’ an’ gettin’ nothin’!” Masey cried.
“Ay gurl, I can’t make erybody my bottom bitch, know wha I’m sayin’? These three fans, theys the ones that be special ta me. So why don you shut yo ass up, ya bitchass fuck?” proclaimed Toro von Noro. And with that, Toro von Noro went on his way to dry off his bubbling chode.

Masey was shot. She had thought that since so many people had called him the wisest man in the world, and because he had so many fans that wanted to be with him, that he must be the greatest companion in the world. She had never thought that Toro von Noro might have fans that were special to him. She had never thought that he might have tastes that didn’t line up with hers.

Masey felt ashamed. She swiftly whirled herself up and flew herself out of the room, out of Toro von Noro’s house, away from the mountain. She flapped toward the sun, enraged, disheartened, and determined to find someone she could really be a fan of.