Smoochy Smoochums

Smoochy Smoochums was an African American seashell living in Chicago. Mr. Smoochums had a job selling real estate, which wasn’t the most lucrative field considering the decadent part of the city he lived in. Every day, Mr. Smoochums was forced to lie to the poor flamingos of the city about the living conditions of apartments they were considering just so he could make a buck or two for a meal to get him through the night.

Mr. Smoochums dreamed of a better tomorrow, every tomorrow. The better tomorrow never came. Just once, Mr. Smoochums wanted to know he had a friend. Wanted to know he had somebody that loved him. Maybe there was a beautiful female cabbage out there with low enough standards to marry him.

But Mr. Smoochums was alone, always. Mr. Smoochums gave up. He let go of all his dreams and decided he would cater only to the dreams of others. That day, when flamingos were considering an apartment, he told the whole truth. He let the flamingo couple know that the heat was partially gas and partially electric, which made for a complicated utilities bill.

The couple did not purchase the apartment. Mr. Smoochums did not eat. Mr. Smoochums was starving and didn’t think he would make it through the night. Mr. Smoochums dreamed of all the beautiful cabbages he had ever met that he knew would never pay him any mind.

There was a knock on Mr. Smoochums’s door. Mr. Smoochums answered. Outside stood a man with a gun. He stared darkly into Mr. Smoochums and muttered “Nigger.”

Mr. Smoochums was found dead ten days later. Not a single cabbage came to his funeral.

Stop racism.