The Screaming Glass

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!” screamed a glass of water. Sexleton, a nearby goblin, heard this scream and nearly excreted himself in fear.

“Well hey now, chap!” Sexleton hollered in the glass of water’s direction. ”What’s with all the loud business?”

“I WANT PEOPLE TO NOTICE ME,” the glass of water responded.

“I find that behavior quite obnoxious,” censured Sexleton. ”You ought to stop.”

“NO I WANT ATTENTION,” the class of water shouted. ”I NEED TO KNOW HOW SPECIAL AND DRINKABLE I AM.”

“What about that glass of milk over there?” inquired Sexleton. A ways a way but still observable sat a glass of milk that was hollering just like the glass of water.

“FUCK THAT BITCH,” the glass of water cried. ”THAT GLASS OF MILK IS WEIRD AND UGLY.”

Sexleton roamed over toward the glass of milk, screaming away.

“Glass of milk, why do you scream?” Sexleton asked.

“I WANT PEOPLE TO NOTICE ME,” it answered mechanically. Sexleton listened and heard more screaming in the distance. He could just make out a glass of juice, also screaming.

“What about that glass of juice?” Sexleton inquired.

“FUCK THAT BITCH,” the glass of juice growled. ”THAT GLASS OF JUICE IS LAME AND DUMB.”

Sexleton approached the glass of juice who claimed it wanted attention, but not from the nearby glass of wine. The screaming glass of wine also wanted attention, but not from the nearby glass of soda. And the glass of soda screamed out to be noticed, but refused to accept the attention of the glass of water.

“Do you realize what this is?” Sexleton asked furiously. ”It’s a cycle of hypocrisy, immaturity, and general stupidity! You desperately seek the care of another but limit yourself with your own standards! You are not only selfish, but oblivious to your own selfishness! You believe you’re entitled to sympathy when you aren’t!”

“NOTICE ME,” the glass of soda cried.

Sexleton proceeded to excrete his goblin goo into every glass and they all died alone.