Tooters the Strobing Light Bulb

To anyone watching, they would see a light bulb clicking on and off. But Groy the lamp shade had no choice but to both listen and watch, and she was very unhappy about it.

“I’m telling you, I don’t understand how light bulbs break so easily!” Tooters blared. ”They know that if they bulk up they’ll be less fragile, but they just stay fragile! Those stupid pieces of shit are basically asking to break! Am I the only one smart enough to think about this?”

“Sure,” Groy replied apathetically. Tooters clicked off.

“I’ll never be as good as compact fluorescent bulbs,” Tooters blared. ”How am I supposed to compete with argon and mercury gases? I’ll never be a useful bulb with this flament wire. I’m worthless.”

“Sure,” Groy replied apathetically. Tooters clicked on.

“It’s amazing how dull some of the other bulbs in this house are. All they have to do is put in some effort, but they don’t!”

Tooters clicked off.

“I need to stop shining as brightly. Maybe then more of the bulbs in this house would want to talk to me.”

Groy wanted to test something. She interjected.

“You know, Tooters, I think—” But Groy was interrupted by Tooters clicking on.

“Is it really so hard to turn yourself off once in a while and conserve energy?”

He clicked off.

“I wish I was more energetic.”

And on and off and on and off Tooters continued to click. Groy’s test had just the results she predicted: Tooters was not talking to her, but to himself. On top of that, the strobe light effect was really getting to Groy, making it increasingly hard for her to keep her thoughts straight. But Tooters kept flashing from extremely bright to extremely dark, and Groy didn’t feel any happier or any sadder for him. She just felt annoyed.

Finally, Groy couldn’t take it any longer. Mustering all of her strength, she shrunk her top rim and her bottom rim as much as she could. Her top and bottom openings gradually closed in until they were completely shut and Tooters was completely concealed.

Groy was happy. She didn’t imagine the house would miss Tooters much. Besides, if you’re too bright or too dark, no one will really see you.