5 Bad Gym Habits That Make You A Less Desirable Human Being

Renting machines (with your towel)

Just because you have fine-tuned your elaborate workout regime to the point where you absolutely HAVE to alternate between the tricep pull-down and the chest press, does not mean you should. You don’t have any more access to the gym and its equipment than anyone else, so pick a single, free machine, and suck it up.

Asking me how many sets I have left

I’m at the gym.

This means I am already a walking miracle. It also means I am distraught enough as is without you asking me how many more dumbell curls I have left.

Honestly, sometimes I have no clue. All I’m trying to do is get through the process alive and uninterrupted without you breathing down my aching neck. Then, you have the audacity to stand 2cm from me while I try to complete my session. Seriously? Find another machine, or wait politely at a reasonable distance outside my personal bubble until one becomes available.

It also helps if you don’t pace up and down like an angry bull, knowing I can see you in the mirror. This will result in me taking my time and possibly even readjusting my seat height.

Standing close enough to hear my heart beat while I try to drink some water

I get it. Two taps for a gym full of thirsty people aren’t enough.

But that doesn’t mean I deserve to feel pressured once I finally get my turn in the line, surely? And… oh? What’s this? You’re really going to fill up that 5-litre bottle to its brim while 27 people are in the line behind you, dying of dehydration? Classy.

Standing directly in front of me, blocking the mirror, while I try to achieve perfect form

Nope, I actually can’t see through you and your bulging biceps. Yes, you can move an inch or two to your right so that I can. Perhaps it is the incessant fiddling with your iPod’s wiring that has completely thwarted your sense of spatial awareness. Whatever it is, get the HELL out of my way!

Complaining loudly about how many protein shakes and mounds of pasta you need to eat to reach your fitness goals…

…and yet, your body fat percentage is about five, while every desirable muscle is already visible on your genetically flawless body. Shame. Poor YOU. While some of us are going nuts — and eating buckets of the stuff — in an attempt to gain 2kg, others are simply trying to fit into the pants they comfortably slipped into just five months ago. If you listen closely, you can hear them huffing and puffing on the treadmill in the cardio section (but it will be difficult over the sound of your large, shrieking ego). These are real people problems. Yours aren’t, and they’re especially unworthy of being openly broadcast.

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