I’m fine. Thank you. How are you doing?
I have a problem with expectation from human spirit from being anything than it already is. It angers me to know that my thoughts are valid and credible socially only if my identity is accepted socially. “You can’t be too daydreamy. Just an excuse to be lazy.” Lazy is being okay with the system as it is. Lazy is accepting a one-size-fits-all notion of success or for that matter, sanity.
The real problem is not that you think of me this way. The real problem is I let myself think of myself this way. I am conditioned beyond repair that the very existence feels like a double-bind. Thankfully, however difficult, I’m always looking to find solace in these chaos, not the solace I want, but the one I need, I take whatever I get.
I know there’s no romanticism in just plainly existing without a definite weltanschauung and that it’s insufferably antagonising to find one that makes sense, at least in your head, or just plainly cope with the painful acceptance of none. And during all this time, all I need and want is time in my head free of expectation, even self-expectations, that and some warmth and affection. (That being a complete understatement)
