61 More Things You Didn’t Know About Chris Wallace
- My mom hated her middle name (Augusta), so she let me choose mine. I went by Christopher Tarzan for a while. But now I go by Christopher Jigglypuff Pinkie Pie Wallace.
2. If I do not moderate the debate well, my wife will feed me with soup non-stop until I die.
3. I beat Michael Jordan in a basketball shooting game of D-O-G while doing a profile on him.
4. I beat Arnold Palmer in a putting contest while working on a profile of him. (Rather be lucky than good.)
5. I beat Mother Teresa at performing Miracles.
6. I pretend to be a mannequin in stores and jump out to scare people.
7. I have smoked one cigarette in my life.
8. I have never drunk a whole cup of coffee.
9. I carry a lucky stone in my pocket.
10. I took 3 more dinner rolls than Andy Rooney at dinner.
11. On Tuesdays, I eat a piece of toast. My wife wrote a cookbook called Mr. Sunday Soup’s Saturday Toast on Tuesdays.
12. The events in the 2010 horror film “Insidious” actually happened to me.
13. I was assigned to Gryffindor but asked to be transferred to Hufflepuff because it seemed more my speed.
14. Roger Ailes tried to blow me.
15. Once, upon drinking 3/4 of a glass of shiraz, I almost sang karaoke. I ended up not doing it, and went to bed.
16. I supply the voices for both Beavis and Butt-head.
17. When my wife makes me too much soup on Soup Sundays, I put the leftovers in a tupperware and soak up the liquid with bread for a very sloppy Monday lunch.
18. I like to pop my cardigan in the microwave for 15 seconds before I walk outside on a cold day.
19. I was born this tall, hovering, and my legs grew towards the ground.
20. I use ChapStick brand chapstick every day.
21. I’m in at least three Mapplethorpe pictures.
22. No not that Mapplethorpe. Rick Mapplethorpe, he does Sears portraits.
23. I’ve never seen an episode of The Shield.
54. I start off every morning with 2 Gogurts and a black coffee.
55. I have eleven toes, one and a half knees, and three elbows.
56. I once beat Richard Sherman at one on one football when I profiled him.
57. I will make sweet, sweet love to you all night lo — I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING HONEY I’LL BE DOWNSTAIRS IN A SECOND.
58. I had an idea for a television show about an office, because I am in an office so much, but Michael Jordan told me that there was already a show called “The Office.”
59. All of these will be engraved on my headstone, which will be the biggest in America.
60. While profiling Usain Bolt, I beat him in a race, he cried for 6 hours straight, quit the Olympics, and gave me all of his medals.
61. my family is so competitive I have lost 3 cousins to the yearly brawl that ensues when determining who gets me for the holiday gift exchange