Fact-Checking The Seventh Republican Debate

Who got it right?

TED CRUZ

“First of all, we have seen now in six years of Obamacare that it has been a disaster. It is the biggest job-killer in this country.”

FACT: Here we go again. Diligently pointing out errors in the candidates’ statements like it matters one bit to you low-information animals. Let’s just get this over with.

MARCO RUBIO

“Hillary Clinton lied to the families of those four brave Americans who lost their life in Benghazi.”

FACT: Hey, here’s a fact—you don’t care if this statement is true. Facts are boring, ignorance is a fuzzy blanket that keeps you warm and absorbs all your slobber. And the sad thing is we’re just getting started with this senseless waste of everyone’s time.

JEB BUSH

“Well, first of all, I’ve seen polls where I’m beating Hillary Clinton pretty regularly.”

FACT: Facts, facts, facts. Can you remember the last time a fact changed your mind about anything? Take your time. We’ll wait forever.

BEN CARSON

“I recognize that Vladimir Putin is an opportunist and he’s a bully, and we have to face him down. And I would — first of all, face him down in that whole region, the whole Baltic region. I think we need to put in some armored brigades there. We only have one or two. We need much more than that. We need to be doing military exercises if not only Estonia but Latvia and Lithuania. They’re terrified by the saber rattling. I think we ought to put in our missile defense system.”

FACT: Even now, part of us really wants to fact-check this bullshit tidal wave. But then we remember you could care less. Seriously, there’d probably be an actual audible sound of facts bouncing off your goddamn forehead.

JOHN KASICH

“We took the growth of Medicaid from over 10 percent in my second budget to 2.5 percent, without cutting off one person or cutting one benefit, because we — we innovated the government.”

FACT: Hey, guess what? There is nothing you care about less than the reality behind that statement.

RAND PAUL

“You know — ”

FACT: Stop. Irrelevant.

CHRIS CHRISTIE

“I inherited a state in New Jersey that was downtrodden, and beaten by liberal democratic policies, high taxation, high regulation. And, this year, in 2015, New Jersey’s had the best year of job growth that our state has ever had in the last 15 years. That’s because we’ve put conservative policies in place.”

FACT: OK, look. We’re sorry if you’re in that .000001% of the population that actually came here in search of impartial fact-checking. But it’s not happening here. Try the Washington Post or something. Sad sons of bitches are in total fucking denial.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.