HILLARY’S BIRTHDAY IS RIGGED!!!!!! — GUEST PIECE

Here at Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, we strive to engage with many different viewpoints. To that end, here is a guest piece from an anonymous contributor who has a lot to say about Hillary Clinton.

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Today is Hillary Clinton’s birthday and I am very mad about it. Hillary Clinton was born on October 26, 1947 on PURPOSE so that in 2016 she could get a BIRTHDAY BUMP right before the election. Her shrill little fetus knew from the start that she was going to run for president 69 years after she was born. You can just tell. It’s written all over her ultrasound!!!!!!!!! I ASSUME!

THIS MAY BE HER ULTRASOUND!!!!!!

Look at the facts. If you add all of the numbers in her birth date (10/26/1947) it equals 1983. Subtract that by the number of letters in the word “WOMAN” (FIVE!!!) and you get 1978. Hmm. 1978. Ever heard of it? That’s just 9 short years after the ALLEGED moon landing. Creepy… Don’t you think it’s a little weird how this is all starting to add up? Numbers!

THIS WAS ALSO RIGGED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hillary was supposed to be born in the SUMMER. I know this to be true because I DECIDED IT! Look at the mountain of evidence: EVERYONE is horny during the fall time. The leaves are changing. Not to mention everyone was reeling from World War II and making impulse decisions, like creating a baby. As IF anybody was going to conceive a baby in the WINTER OF 1947. RIGGED!!!!

AS IF THESE PEOPLE COULD MAKE A BABY! THEY’RE SAD!!!!!!

The truth is staring you in the face. Scientific evidence PROVES in REAL STUDIES that I conducted IN MY TOILET that a BIRTHDAY right before an election confers a 5- to 7-point poll advantage. People love birthdays. Leave it to a CLINTON to manipulate us by being born 69 years ago on a certain day in a certain month.

HAS SHE NO SHAME?

THIS IS NOT HILLARY CLINTON BUT WHAT IF IT WAS HILLARY CLINTON!?!??!

Join me and my seven pet rats on election day voting for Donald Trump, the only candidate who was born in JUNE!!! Finally, an HONEST man in politics. Also, GOD LIVES IN MY ASSHOLE!!

Happy birthday, SHILLARY DUMBTIN!!!!! Better luck next time.

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