Time Person of the Year 2017: Chad
1 min readDec 5, 2017
Ahead of tomorrow’s announcement of the Time Person of the Year 2017, Full Frontal has received an exclusive first look at the man himself: Chad, that guy you know!
About Chad:
- Frequents the comment section of every Facebook article about feminism
- Veteran of the War on Christmas
- Tweets to “get the truth out there”
- Favorite movie is Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
- Hates vegetables
- Believes he’s single because he’s “too nice”
- Doesn’t believe in the female orgasm
- Thinks his mom is a bitch
- Flies a confederate flag to honor his “heritage” but grew up in Cleveland
- Somehow still dresses exclusively in Hollister
- Believes “real news” only comes from his buddy Greg’s blogspot (Greg has a cousin who works “for the government”)
- Has TruckNutz
- Refers to self as “woke”
- Hasn’t read a book in seven years
- Calls tea “gay”
- Hates Obamacare but has insurance through the ACA
- Lives on Reddit
- Thinks Ghostbusters should have been men (doesn’t know about the original)
- Briefly involved in a pyramid scheme
- Thinks the phrase is “bone app the teeth”
- Believes people don’t laugh at his jokes because they’re “snowflakes” (he is not funny)
- Arrested four times for public intoxication
- Currently trapped in his basement
We’re so proud of you, Chad!
