What To Expect From Tonight’s Debate: Literally Fucking Anything

In a few hours, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump will meet in Las Vegas for the third and final presidential debate, where the nominees will go head-to-head one last time. Here’s what to expect from tonight’s debate:

Literally fucking anything.

Seriously. Usually this is where we’d offer astute predictions about what issues might be discussed or what debate strategies the candidates might use, but given the events of the last few weeks, we know we’d just be wasting our time and yours.

I mean, damn, we’ll give it a shot, but as far as we can tell, any-fucking-thing goes at this point…

Donald Trump is in the last throes of a self-destructing campaign, attacking Hillary Clinton, her husband, a “global media conspiracy,” his own party, and the legitimacy of the election itself. So tonight, expect him to do… whatever the fuck he has in store. Your guess is as good as ours.

With a variety of foreign and domestic issues in the news, tonight’s showdown will likely be any crazy-ass carnival shit-show your imagination can come up with. I mean, at the last debate this fucking guy brought Paula Jones out, then threatened to put his political opponent in jail, like he’s Saddam Hussein or some shit. You think we “expected” that? We didn’t.

This is where the magic would happen if we believed in anything anymore.

Tonight is the candidate’s last chance to who the fuck knows what, honestly? You want predictions? Fine. Donald Trump gets pissed off, kicks over the podium, flips off Chris Wallace and marches off stage. That’s something you could legitimately ‘expect’ to happen. Will it? It could! Russians hack the TV feed and broadcast 90 minutes of new Clinton emails. Totally fucking plausible! Donald Trump brags about how big his dick his. Wait, he already did that at another debate. Jesus, see what we mean? Do you want to bet against Donald Trump pulling the auditorium fire alarm then blaming the Jews? Because we don’t.

Whatever the outcome of the debate, one this is certain: with only 19 days until election day, all eyes will be on Vegas as literally fucking anything might happen.

Also, Hillary will make a joke that doesn’t really land.