The Art of Settling: When Prince Charming Turns Out to Be a Toad (And That’s Okay)
There are many difficult decisions to make in life and deciding whether to continue or end a relationship is one of the toughest.
I kind of think I’m missing out on a great relationship, but I’m torn because I think I’m trying to “fix” what’s not broken.
This is what a friend of mine shared with me over lunch a few weeks ago:
“He’s not a terrible partner, but he’s not the greatest either. Our relationship is stagnant and calm, not as passionate as some of my previous relationships. I know he doesn’t love me as much as I love him, but he is pretty successful and a good guy but has some interesting quirks.”
No one should accept being in a bad or abusive relationship. If your needs are not being met then end it and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea and these days it’s so easy to find someone worth spending your time with and who will love and support you.
But if you are in a relationship trying to decide whether a different partner is better suited to what you want then read on.
Compromising versus Settling
We’ve all heard the phrase “settling down,” but what happens when it turns into just plain “settling”?
- Compromising is about finding a balance that respects both partners’ needs and leads to mutual satisfaction. It’s a healthy part of any relationship.
- Settling is about giving up on certain aspects of what you want, sometimes leading to dissatisfaction and emotional imbalance. It’s important to identify if your relationship is meeting your essential needs.
For some, the idea of compromising in a relationship is just part of the deal, a necessary evil to avoid dying alone surrounded by cats. And for others the harsh truth is that settling in a relationship is often the worst kind of self-betrayal.
But what if the whole idea that you need to find “the one” is a load of baloney. In a world of dating apps, ghosting, and people who think a “date” involves sharing a bag of Doritos on your couch while scrolling through Instagram, maybe settling isn’t such a bad idea after all.
When You Realize “The One” Is Actually Just “The Only One Left”
We’ve all been there. You start out with high hopes, envisioning yourself walking down the aisle with a dashing, intelligent partner who checks all your boxes.
Then, reality hits.
Maybe it’s after the 76th disastrous Hinge/Bumble/[insert dating app here] date, where you discover that your date’s idea of romance involves a Burger King drive-thru and a discussion about crypto.
Suddenly, Dave from accounting, with his dad jokes and receding hairline, doesn’t seem so bad. He’s stable, he’s nice, and he knows how to handle a 401k. What more could you want?
Oh right: passion, excitement, and the ability to not fall asleep during dinner. We can’t have everything, can we?
The Slow Descent into “I Guess This Is Fine”
Settling isn’t an overnight decision. It’s more like a slow descent into a lukewarm bath — you start off thinking it’s not so bad, and before you know it, you’re just pruny and resigned.
You might start to notice the little things first, like how your partner’s laugh sounds like a dying seal, or how they pronounce “espresso” as “expresso.” You used to think it was cute; now, it’s the soundtrack to your simmering frustration. But instead of bailing, you rationalize.
“No one’s perfect,” you tell yourself. “At least they don’t leave the toilet seat up.” And so, you stay. Because let’s face it, dating is exhausting, and the thought of diving back into that pool of questionable hygiene and ghosting is enough to make anyone cling to the lifeboat they’ve got.
When Settling Becomes…Satisfying?
Here’s the kicker: sometimes settling isn’t the end of the world. Sure, you didn’t end up with the supermodel who moonlights as a brain surgeon, but you’ve got someone who’s there for you, who cares, and who will bring you soup when you’re sick.
And in the end, isn’t that what really matters? Well, that and having someone to binge-watch trashy reality TV with, because that’s the real test of true love.
Take the story of Christie, who finally gave up on finding her tall, dark, and handsome dreamboat and settled for Greg, the guy who had been her best friend for years.
Greg wasn’t exactly thrilling — his idea of adventure was trying a new flavor of ice cream — but he made her laugh, he supported her, and he was there for her through thick and thin.
And you know what?
She’s happier than ever. Sometimes, settling means realizing that what you thought you wanted isn’t what you needed.
Why Settling in a Relationship Is Actually a Genius Move
In fact, I’m here to tell you that settling might just be the smartest, most genius move you’ll ever make.
Lowering Expectations = Instant Happiness
Let’s talk expectations. High expectations are like trying to find a unicorn in a petting zoo — you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Sure, it would be great to date someone who’s a millionaire with the abs of a Greek god, a PhD in quantum physics, and the emotional intelligence of Oprah, but let’s be real. Those people are about as common as a unicorn riding a skateboard.
Instead, why not settle for someone who’s, you know, normal?
Normal is great! Normal means you won’t have to worry about your partner being too busy discovering the cure for some obscure disease to remember your anniversary. Normal means they’ll probably be around to binge-watch “How I Met Your Mother” for the 18th time with you. Normal is predictable, and predictable is comfortable. And comfortable is the key to happiness, right?
The Secret to Long-Term Relationship Success: Just Give Up
If you’re constantly holding out for someone “better,” you’ll spend your life swiping left until you’re old and gray. So why not just give up? I mean, not entirely — just enough to settle into a nice, predictable relationship where you know what you’re getting.
Settling isn’t about giving up on love; it’s about redefining what love means.
Love doesn’t have to be fireworks and grand gestures. Sometimes it’s just someone who remembers how you take your coffee or who is willing to watch your favorite terrible reality show with you (looking at you, *The Bachelor*).
These small, everyday moments are what make life sweet. So, why keep searching for someone who’s going to whisk you away on spontaneous trips to Paris when you can have someone who’s always down to split a pizza?
The Myth of “The One” (Hint: They Don’t Exist)
Newsflash: there’s no such thing as “the one.” Think about it — out of the billions of people on this planet, you think there’s just one single person who’s your perfect match? That’s a lot of pressure for one poor soul to handle.
Instead of looking for “the one,” why not look for “the one who’s pretty good and doesn’t annoy me too much”?
Settling means you can relax and stop searching for someone who checks all the boxes. Because, let’s face it, you’re never going to find someone who’s perfect.
Perfect people are boring anyway.
Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who’s got a few quirks? Like, they leave their socks everywhere, but they’re also great at remembering to order takeout on your lazy days.
Settling = Relationship Insurance
Think of settling as relationship insurance. Sure, you could keep holding out for that perfect person, but what if they don’t exist? Or worse, what if they do, but they’re already married to someone else because they didn’t have unrealistic standards?
By settling, you’re basically locking in your happiness now rather than rolling the dice on a potential future that might never come.
Besides, do you really want to spend your golden years swiping on dating apps, trying to filter out catfish and weirdos? Settling now means you can avoid all that nonsense and skip straight to the part where you’re sitting on a porch, sipping iced tea with someone who, while not perfect, is perfectly fine. And that’s good enough, right?
The “Good Enough” Philosophy
In the end, settling is all about managing expectations. We’re bombarded with the idea that we need to find “the one” who ticks every box, when maybe we just need someone who ticks the important ones.
Do they respect you?
Do they make you laugh?
Do they know the difference between “their”, “they’re” and “there”?
Sometimes, good enough really is good enough.
Here’s to settling! It’s not giving up — it’s leveling up. Because at the end of the day, life is too short to keep searching for something that might not even exist.
You get to stop stressing about finding someone who meets your impossible standards, and you get to start enjoying life with a perfectly decent human being who makes you laugh, tolerates your quirks, and doesn’t leave the cap off the toothpaste (most of the time).
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