di·a·lec·tic: when 2 seemingly contrary ideas/beliefs can be true

I was first introduced to the concept of dialectics as a participant in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a type of Cognitive Behavior Therapy created by Marsha Linehan for people who frequently suffer from dysregulated emotions: folks whose emotional responses tend to fall outside the bounds of what most would deem normal. DBT’s ultimate goal? To help those with some of the most complex and severe mental disorders learn to build lives they deem worth living.

The core dialectic I grasped from DBT was that I can (1) accept my life and its current circumstances while (2) also working to change said life and circumstances.

Easier said than done.

As I sit here writing this I find myself in yet another crisis — largely of my own creation — not wanting to accept my current reality and not wanting to do the heavy work of change. It’s much more comfortable dwelling in regrets and distractions and fantasizing about being someone who doesn’t regularly blow up her life and those of the souls unfortunate enough to get too close.

And yet….

Something feels slightly different this time. I don’t know what was said and remembered that hit home, but this time I feel the edge of hope that things can be different. That I can make things different. That I will make things different.

I have experienced loss and expect that I will experience considerable more loss in the future as a consequence of choices I made. I accept and acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that I am powerful beyond what I have allowed myself to experience, that I have the capability to create a future that feels worth living even at its low moments. This is my Key Dialectic.

And, who knows? Maybe I will even find a way to have some fun along the way.

I am here. And I choose to fight. We shall see what the future holds for me.