I baked a Thomas Cake today,
T’was Thomas as could get,
For no one but the dirtiest
French pirate I’ve e’re met.
He was so hungry I declare he swooned upon the thought
Of eating Thomas Pie which he from me had thought he’d bought.
Arriving at my bakery,
He stomped and acted vicious;
He was so irked, I do declare
He nearly soiled my britches.
“Ye scurvy scallowag!” He barked,
“I tell you fee fum fie,
Ye maked and baked a Thomas Cake,
But I want Thomas Pie!”
I was so scared my britches were
Most once more nearly soiled,
As frozen stood I with no pie
While pirate’s blood a’boiled.
As he advanced to break my face,
Or pull my ears, or kill me,
He stopped, he sputtered, dropped, and uttered,
“Ye yet shall live to bill me!”