I’m in a very committed longtime relationship. My partner is gentle, loving, generous and I’ve never had a reason to mistrust him or felt unwanted. After 22 years we don’t have that much sex anymore. But when we do, it is really great! After so many years, we know exactly what the other likes or dislikes. That dpesn’t mean we don’t try new stuff now and then. All in all I’d say our relationship is healthy and whole.
And yes, my partner watches porn.
I’ve reada lot about negative effects watching porn can have. None of that have I ever found in pur relationship. I don’t really know when he does it or how often. But he’d never done it when I was available. I wouldn’t know at all if we hadn’t talked about it since we’re not using the same computer and I’ve never seen anything of it. But we talked about pur sexual habits and then he told me. At the beginning I was a bit insecure. I didn’t know if I could compete with those gorgeous woman.
But he never ceased to look at me with anything other than desire and love in his eyes. Even now than my age starts showing I got just the right vibes from him and since we’re still talking about anything and everything I still feel secure and loved in our relationship and cherished when we have sex.
I guess what people don’t get is the difference between a porn addict and a man who now and then watches porn.
It is as if people reduce their relationship to porn if they know about it. They overthink. Porn doesn’t mean the same thing to everybody. Just like anything else it is different for anybody.
People tend to have opinions about anything and everything. If it comes to porn or really everything else too, they tend to behave as if there was only one truth, only one way of looking at it. Thats the real poison for a relationship.
Because the truth is: there are similarities between people. But in the end, one can’t find two people, unimportant how alike they are, who treat the same topic exactly the same way, have exactly the same thpughts and exactly the same reactions.
So if one has the idea of porn as somwthing bad in general, something that destroys partnerships and makes their partner unfaithful without accepting that unfaithfulness depends not on porn or no porn, but on completely unrelated qualities in your partner and general feelings between you and your loved ones, then I highly doubt someone who has such a bias can be a good partner at all. That doesn’t mean one should accept any porn habit unquestioning. If it influences the relationship in a bad way, one should reconsider said relationship. But the simple fact that a person watches porn now and then is not an impairment itself.
Unless it’s made into a problem.
So the real question is: what would you prefer?
A partner who is honest and talks to you? Well then you will hear things now and tjen you won’t like. But if you cannot accept that. If you demonize everything that gives you the vibes, then, I’ll promise you, you’ll never have an honest partner! Every relationship will break. Relationship is about compromise and acceptance. It swings both ways of course. That doesn’t mean one should stay with anybody despite everything. But don’t expect somebody to change for you. Nobody can just change. If it was different, psycologists weren’t a thing.
Otherwise you can have a partner who pretends. Well. Maybe you’re into this but I know I’m not.