Fussel Dings
Nov 2 · 3 min read

Maybe I can shed some light why some people call you direct or a bitch although you are nice. I’ve met a lot of people who try very hard to be nice to anybody everytime. It’s kinda funny how often their close friends describe them as bitches though. The reason is quie easy. They are usually far too nice. They suppress what they perceive as negative feelings and actions to such an unnatural degree, that people who are close to then accept it as their normal. They are used that those people never say no, never decline any requests, never make demands while they grow closer and closer until those friends develop very unhealthy expectations towards this hyper-nice friend. But then nature strikes.

No one is able to live like thatconstantly, no one can be’noce' all the time. No pne is perfect. But the expectations are set so high, that the true niceties, the genetrousity and charity is seen as common behaviour. It doesn’t count as nice anymore. Help is no longer perveived as something special but is expected, demanded even. And then comes the day you’re tired. The day you have previous engagements, the day you show you’re showing that you’re just as human and you say no to a demand which would have been a question to anybody else. And then you are the bitch for reasonably denying an inconvenient request. You are the bitch for being tired and not listening properly. You are the bitch for demanding an open ear for your own struggles you’re usually hiding so well.

I’ve heated a woman complain about her really nice friend because she didn’t feel up for girls night the day her father was buried.

I heared another friend complaining about her really nice sister because she didn’t help her moving out although the nice sister had a bad fever.

And if they complain about their nice friemds generally it is always the same. They can’t put a finger on it why they’re calling them bitches. They don’t realize the situations I mentioned above. They don’t complain directly about those specific situations because deep down they know it is wrong.

They just call their nice people bitches.

If a person really is a bitch you have no problem to tell anybody a lot of examples. If you’re calling somebody a bitch because of you own unmet ecpectations it’s not so easy. You know that you feel that way about them but if you’re pressed for an explanation there isn’t any. Because the reason you call them a bitch is just that you didn’t get what you expected.

The solution for that proplem is hard.

Learn to be yourself. Learn to say 'No' learn to be less nice everyday.

Be a human being. Compare situations were demands are made to you if you yourself would never outright demand it, then it’s reasonable to say no!

You have a responsibility against yourself. You are responsible to care for yourself. Ifyou shyaway from this responsibility your friends can’t avoid takimg ypu for granted. Howshould they know what you need if you don’t tell them? How should they know how much you can comfortably give if you always give too much? So don’t let them have everything without reserve. Make yourself visible by showing your very human restrictions and capacities, help then to know you, really know you. Make your 'yes' count. Become a good and reliable friend by, in the right moment, saying…

No.

Fussel Dings

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