Jul 10, 2017 · 1 min read
You did a good job of developing your opinion based on initial facts you cited. Interesting stuff for sure. However, I recommend you work on the way you phrase things. For example, when you say “What does this say about spiritual experiences? Are they nothing more than chemistry? Indeed, the implications of this are, again, incredibly high stakes,” the addition of words like Indeed in the beginning of your sentences may be unnecessary there. But the best way to improve is to keep writing until you find your voice, and I definitely look forward to reading more from you in the future!
