Examples of non-inclusive behaviors your manager may be displaying

Toeing the line

If you work at a company with smart and career-driven people, chances are they are well aware of how to toe the line. They are aware of how to use words in an email/instant message that come across on the surface as supportive, while still having every intention of causing harm. We can all pinpoint at least one moment, where we didn’t feel respected but felt judged and found wanting.

The unfortunate thing is, while many of us have heard of the buzz words “Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging”, there isn’t enough awareness about what non-inclusive behaviors look like at a workplace and even less initiative taken to addressing them. Company handbooks and codes of conduct do not explicitly condemn these behaviors, and there are no real consequences for managers who are called out for it. These non-inclusive behaviors fly even more under the radar in our current remote working environment, and are becoming more and more pervasive over time. They ultimately lead to higher attrition rates, increased cost to our economy and create a culture that no one can be proud of.

So, what do you do? Stand by to see if said behaviors escalate to harassment/abuse? Figure that you just need to drink a big cup of harden up to survive? Pray that your manager finds another job or you start looking for another? There is one more option.

Step 1 is to recognize and call these behaviors out as non-inclusive; Step 2 is to collect relevant support from communications with your manager where they have displayed these behaviors; and Step 3 is to escalate the matter using the right jargon and authoritative language to compel your HR team, Head of D&I or your manager’s manager to take your voice seriously.

Diverse teams will yield higher ROI only if they’re managed by an inclusive culture. Be sure to highlight the impact your manager’s non-inclusive behaviors are having on your productivity, and ultimately on the team’s ability to deliver value to the company. Assertively mention your commitment to the company’s success and point to the dedication you have showed to the company over your tenure.

What do non-inclusive behaviors look like?

Workplaces are complex because humans are complex. This means there are too many examples of non-inclusive workplace behaviors to list. The focus here is on some behaviors that aren’t obvious and often get shoved under the rug. These are often the same ones that cause death by a thousand cuts, because they seem trivial on the surface and are hard to point to as issues.

1. Poor non-verbal communication. Lack of eye contact or showing a distracted manner. Not paying attention, multi-tasking when talking to you. Making a habit of rescheduling meetings with you to accommodate other coworkers. Stringent boundaries around approaching them for questions or scheduling time in their calendars. Being late for meetings or strongly admonishing you for running late.
2. Inattentive listening . Interrupting, talking over or criticizing with other team members present. Copying another team member or your manager’s manager for “visibility”. The “cc” button is something that is used frequently to publicly humiliate or shame someone in a subtle way.
3. Making assumptions before checking the facts. Making conclusive statements on your behalf or asking leading questions that put you on the defensive. “It is clear to me that you do not have the necessary understanding for this task” / “You didn’t even think to do …” / “You are always late” / “Are you sure you are interested in doing this?”
4. Command and control supervision. Micro-managing. Creating a need for you to ask permission rather than have a conversation, apologize rather than explain, feel judged rather than feel heard. Limited autonomy to manage your own workload. Assigning deadlines rather than collaborating to reach mutual agreement. Frequent unstructured follow-ups. Enforcing the default state of low-trust until you have earned it.
5. More criticism, less praise. If the focus of your debriefs are on mistakes/improvements points, it follows that you are left feeling demotivated. “Asking for feedback” does not mean “Asking for critical feedback only”. Not receiving recognition is a huge contributor for burn out.
6. Creating division not cohesion. Taking a punitive approach to managing your performance. Using uncertainty or lack of transparency to manipulate your level of productivity or create a false sense of urgency. Dangle the opportunity of a stretch assignment or mention taking away projects as a result of your performance. A lack of transparency can be a power play to create insecurity and spin situations.

Do not relinquish your agency. It is all you have.

Escalating matters and standing up for yourself isn’t straight or an easy path to take. This stuff is messy and gets messier when it involves smart people who know how to toe the line or do so inadvertently. But you have to believe that the leadership of your company is sincere in their intent and take Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging seriously.