Between The Different Age-related Life Crises, Is There Any Escape At All?
Through every phase of life, our purpose can shift, and our priorities can switch, giving rise to a sensation of deep confusion, sudden uncertainty, and skeptical questioning that evolved to be called a “Life crisis”. And that’s ok! No need to panic.
We live in an ever-changing world where change is happening everywhere, at a very accelerating speed. From climate and environment to innovation and digitalization. So, as a central element and an inhabitant of this expanding world, man is also condemned to change. This change will not only appear in one’s morphology and physiology, but also one’s values and beliefs influencing life goals and definition of success.
A life crisis can strike anyone at any time and cause distress. However, the most common are age-related ones, such as quarter-life, midlife and later-life crises. According to Forbes, a quarter-life crisis is a period in a young adult’s life that typically happens between one’s mid-twenties and early thirties, defined as a period of intense soul-searching and stress. A midlife crisis is defined as a period of emotional turmoil in middle age, around 40 to 60 years old, characterized by a strong desire for change. While a later-life crisis is described as a time when adults contemplate their mortality and the waning years they have left to enjoy life. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, one in three people over the age of 60 will go through this experience.
Quarter-life crisis makes us die to step into adulthood, misleading our minds to the idea that adulthood is the phase where you finally figure everything out, the period during which full physical and intellectual maturity have been attained, and the epoch in which life decisions seem right and independence feels exciting. What we ignore at that time is that with every simple decision come inevitable consequences, and with every modicum of independence come endless responsibilities.
And when you think you have got over it, you get hit by its famous older sister; the midlife crisis. Because life is all about ceaseless crisis. No matter what your age is, you will always find yourself torn between the decisions you have made and the ones you need to make.
Contrarily to quarter-life crisis, midlife crisis makes us die to feel young again, apt to do anything to regain that sense of youth. Our rearview mirror starts to reflect the wreckage of the previous bad choices and the delusional expectations. We find ourselves trapped in our teenage dreams with a body not as limber as we thought we’ll have, a face not as aesthetically pleasing as we thought we’ll get, and a job not as successful as we thought we’ll obtain. That is when we get a burning desire to go back in years, thinking that it’s our only way out and our ultimate answer to how we did end up here. As Derrick Merrill Smith said, “Aging is caused by the desire to be young again”.
If mid-life period is known for the reckless life choices as buying an expensive sport car or dying your hair pink, later-life period is manifested by the absence of any life sense. You get stuck in the past wondering if there will be enough time to save what needs to be saved and to accomplish what you failed to accomplish in the last 60 years of your existence.
Fueled by the fear of not reaching the lofty standard of perfection we would set for ourselves and paralyzed by the fear of missing out, we often forget that change is applicable at any time. Not in our 20s or in our 40s, but in the moment of NOW.
Submerged with all kinds of questions from where are we to who we even are and yet no answer seems to be found, we often forget that this is what life is; an experimental journey engaging us involuntarily.
Actually, experiments are set up to test certain hypotheses, varying the parameters and controlling the variables until we find the magical answer to all of our initial questions. And so is life. A setup where we test our limits, checking multiple possibilities and varying our conditions until we find meaning and discover the mysterious mission we were born to accomplish.
Therefore, to overcome any type of life crisis, you should first trust the process of change and acknowledge that it was never a bad thing instead it’s a way to grow and remain in touch with the world spreading around you.
So, what can we do to overcome these profound crises?
1. Accept it
Accept that it is just a phase and stop considering it a “crisis”. Our brain has been hardwired to focus and store negative data much more than positive ones. So, if you keep referring to this fragile yet unavoidable phase of your life as a life-threatening crisis, you may never find your way out. What you have to do instead is to think of it as a chance to take a step back from the turmoil of life and a serene moment to rearrange your priorities and redefine your life goals.
2. Validate your emotions
Approve your feelings of confusion and disorientation instead of running away from them. We, humans, are always afraid of the unknown, and we want to take control over everything happening because this is what our brain trained us to do. Our brain is constantly trying to predict the future to prepare our mind for an instant response and protect our body from any possible harm. Well, this defense mechanism can be helpful if the future represents a warning danger, but it is a blocking obstacle when the future can be prosperous and thriving. The tricky thing is that we can never know unless we lower our guard and let ourselves stumble upon them. All we have to do then is trust our body and mind to ally and save us if something bad happens.
3. Be patient
Don’t be wishy-washy. Be quick but don’t hurry when making life decisions, or you risk ending up with short-sided or sketchy solutions. Take the necessary time to think through the options and weigh the pros and cons before you run to a decision. Distance yourself from people’s distractions and society’s pressure. The only way to win the battle against your mind is to keep it as relaxed as possible because an overactive mind usually leads to internal chaos and stress.
4. Seek exterior help
Don’t bottle up your feelings. Get yourself a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. It may be your friend, your therapist, or even your journal. Usually, a third party helps you look at things from different angles and a new point of view. Just hearing yourself talking can help you clear your foggy thoughts and organize your scattered ideas. Sometimes even the smallest piece of advice can direct your attention to new paths and options that never came to your mind.
5. Do a life audit
List what you have achieved so far and what you want to achieve next. Re-examine your life drives and the values that align within. Draw the character you want to be and write down the story you want to share. Always remember how you managed to create magic from the darkest moments of your life.
Consider your life a labyrinth that only you can unravel its way in and out. It is not a puzzle to be solved but a path to be experienced, and with every turn and every twist, you’ll explore new ways and possibilities. Once you uncover every corner of it, you will find your way in very easily. But once you are in, there’s no going back, only forward. You may get tired; you may need to stop once in a while, yet you have to keep going.
Thank you for reading.
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