I’ve been destined to be on my own for my whole life.
And somehow I’m not upset about it…
let me explain of course,
Since I was little, well younger than I am now by a lot, I used to try so hard to fit in with the “cool kids” but then again who hasn’t tried to fit in with the cool kids. But of course, who else but my young self, I used to try so hard you can feel the desperation.
I yearned for a friendship like the ones I saw on tv as a girl.
I yearned for the bond.
I needed a person to understand me.
It was even more difficult moving around. Living in a new place almost every Christmas for about 4 years. I never kept in contact with old friends, they forgot about me and I forgot about them, and I’m terrible at socializing and talking to people, (Which also points to the fact that I’m destined to be alone) which means I won’t be making new friends anytime soon.
I got use to people and friends leaving my life so often so I eventually started to learn how to be on my own as my character was developing so I learned how to be by myself. I started to become irritated of people and I felt like my thoughts are more important than their mindless words.
It was a gift at first but now it’s a curse. Now I push people away because my mind is my favorite place to go. It’s like I don’t even control when I go to my happy place. My happy place drowns my thoughts and its like I’m blind to everything but my thoughts. like they take me away to a different world.
A safer world, a place where I can truly be bare and honest. The only place accepting me for everything. The only thing I have to use when I’m alone. It’s my last chance and my best chance.
The thoughts of a human can bring so much happiness, fear, anger, eerieness, and sadness. They allow you to listen to the things around you and create new sounds, like sound effects from movies and beats from music. Every single sound we hear can be formed into anything our brains would like.
Back to why I’m destined to be alone forever,
I’m truly 100% happy when I’m alone. When I’m one with nature and there’s nothing but plants and water around me. The perfect silence and comfort of solitude.
I feel at my best when I’m alone. When I look up at the stars and see how bright they shine and how beautiful they are even though they’re dead.
Everything is so perfect and unique in every single way and the only way to truly indulge in learning the world, you need to be alone.
Focus on nothing but what you see around yourself.
The curves of the tree, the sprinkling dead stars, the moving squirrels and other little creatures. The glowing leaves in the moonlight, all the good little things about life. That can be appreciated when you’re all alone in way you’d never imagine.
Being alone is where I belong.
It’s the only thing that makes sense for me to ever do.