
A “Whatever” Stance on Life, might NEVER be a life.“Whatever”
I am certain you have heard someone say this…whatever. Hell, I know I said it many times as a teen. Usually accompanied with a rolling of the eyes. Damn. Who am I kidding. I still say it.
“Whatever…”
Have you ever asked yourself “why”? Why do you say it so much? What are the situations that you find yourself saying “whatever” to? For me I catch myself saying it to explain a reaction away that I shouldn’t care about. Or maybe you’re reading this and you don’t say “whatever”. That’s for the younger generation you think to yourself. Instead, you say “it is what it is”. Don’t you worry. You are not alone. I often find myself saying this to explain away something I don’t want to take the time to understand.
But why? Take a minute to seriously sit back and ask yourself why. Are you harming anyone when you think these phrases to yourself? Of course not. Now ask yourself are you forming any patterns or habits that might harm you later? Hmmm…You’re probably thinking of course not.
Bear with me guys…the point is around the corner.
- Today, while getting ready, I heard something on the news I didn’t like. — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
- On the drive in, my spouse asked me my feelings about my stress. — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
- I was cut off several times on my commute. — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
- My parking spot was taken. — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
- The elevator was broken so I had to take the stairs — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
- My bank account was overdrawn — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
- My coworker took credit for my hard work — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
- My boss interrupted me and walked all over me — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
- I was passed over for that promotion…again — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”
Now do you see what I am getting at. We all have this tendency to not deal with the immediate. The bad and painful things in our lives. Instead, it is much easier to explain them away with — “whatever” or “it is, what it is”. This path of least resistance becomes habit forming and prevents us from really taking steps forward in our journey.
Now I am not saying run down the guy that cut you off or kick the door in of the car that took your spot. That’d be ridiculous. However, what I am asking you to do is to analyze the times that you shield your true feelings from the things that have hurt you. The things that happen to us that don’t feel right. The times when you know you were wronged. The times we ignore our deepest feelings. Are you explaining those away to yourself by telling yourself “whatever”?
What are you ignoring? Better yet, why are you ignoring it?
For some of us we are unsure. We can’t answer the question why we ignore the pain. Instead we just deal. We know in our heart we were hurt, but we have a hard time explaining (putting into words) why. I believe this is because we are unsure of ourselves. We are unsure of our personal standards and how our unique stance in life has molded us. Plus, we are too afraid to explore that feeling and even more frightening to SPEAK IT ALOUD. (Next week, I will take you down a journey on how I developed my personal stance and standards in hopes that it will help you. But in the meantime, I am going to leave you with a personal anecdote)
Take Action.
My wife and I recently began a rule and the rule is this:
Don’t be afraid to tell each other what is on our minds, without fear of consequence.
Let me tell you. This was scary. But we were tired of holding things back. Tired of holding our true feelings and thoughts in for fear of upsetting the other. This type of rule takes boldness and trust that the recipient (me or her) is capable of processing and able to facilitate a conversation. It has been scary and I have heard some harsh words from her and her from me as well. If only, you were a fly on the wall for some of these conversations. HAHA!
Now the results have been nothing short of remarkable. It has allowed both of us to be able to voice, with confidence, how situations have made us feel. It has allowed us to talk about our standards and our stance in a healthy way to each other. Which in turn, it has given us the ability to look someone else in the eye and let them know exactly where we are coming from.
I challenge you to take up this homework. Take it up with someone close to you. Someone you trust. It will begin to help you (if you need it) verbalize the reasons why you feel hurt or pained. It is the beginning of identifying your personal standards and your stance in life. It is also incredibly liberating.
But, as with much of my challenges, I make no promise about them being easy.
It just is, what it is.
Good luck creating your luck. I hope you enjoyed reading. Please join my private email list by subscribing here. You’ll receive no spam from me whatsoever. The only time you will hear from me is when I have a new post.
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Pss. There are sometimes in life when being ok with “whatever” can you save you. Just say “whatever” to that angry republican or liberal on your Facebook feed.
Originally published at www.serialdisruptor.com.
