The Difference: Good To You or Good For You?
Life is meant to be shared with others and people aren’t meant to live alone. Whether we like it or not, we need to create relationships. Ranging from the need to survive or the need to find a sense of belonging, we humans have different motivations for the whys, whats, and hows of our connections.
To add more colour to our character, fate somehow finds a way to blend us with a mix of different personalities. We meet a number of people who may eventually become our friends and do good to us but there is also a possibility that we may also meet people who may even become our enemies and do us wrong.
Naturally, the people we keep in our lives are the ones we perceive as good. So that’s what I want to talk about, the good people in our lives, the friends, family, acquaintances, and everything in between. This article isn’t about helping you distinguish who the good and bad people are in your life, rather it talks about the hidden negativity that we often overlook with the people we distinguish as good.
So let me break it to you.
People are either good to you or good for you.
People who are good to you make life a little more fun.
People who are good to you can just light up a room with their presence. They simply add a lot more spice and flavor to our lives by providing us with adventures. These are the people you’ll have a lot of fun with and you just know that being with them equates to a good time.
But amidst the joy they give to us, we must always be careful when dealing with them. One may easily get lost because people who are good to you may not necessarily be good for you. Yes life is fun with them around and without them life may seem dull and dry, too much of something can be bad for us. Too much fun could mean losing sight of goals and priorities. They may enable you to do bad things and may never have the wisdom to know when its time to correct you when you’re wrong. when the time comes that you have to face the consequences of your actions or need support through a tough time, they’re nowhere to be found.
People who are good to you can be as simple as your fans, acquaintances, and not so close friends. They may not know you as much as your true friends, yet they know you enough to praise the good in you. Praise may feel good but it can blind you by feeding your ego. They may look at you and only see the things that peak their interests while ignoring the sides they may not see as appealing. They would probably never have the guts to correct you when you do something wrong and would just enable you to do anything even when it has the potential to be wrong.
People who are good to you may even be your true friends, people who know you inside out and yet would remain bad influences to your life. A paradox in friendship is that the more you become a familiar with a person, the tendency of becoming more passive with them makes taking them for granted a lot easier. They can help you push your worries away but may forget to sober you up when its time to address problems in your life. They can even be your lover.That person who you think is lighting up your whole world but is ruining other aspects of your life unconsciously by causing you to make bad decisions and spend your energy on things that may eventually lead to your own downfall.
Too much fun can kill you. These people can be a forbidden fruit to us if we’re not careful. They may seem like a lot of fun to be around with but they may also be just as toxic.
People who are good for you bring out the best in you.
They make sure that you bring out the best in you by pushing you to your limits. These are the people who are good influences in your life and help contribute to your own individual success. You know that being with this person will ensure you growth and their presence alone can already exhibit such wisdom and power.
Yet despite these people being good for you, in turn, these people may not be good to you. It can be a challenge to be with them because actions don’t always speak for intentions. These are the kinds of people that will challenge and shake your whole being to its core. They can be harsh and may seem unkind at times but the truth is that they want nothing but the best for you.
It’s easy to take these people for granted because we fail to see the bigger picture of their actions. These people may be your mentors, coaches, and bosses, who may seem like monsters but are actually pushing us to be better at what we do. They may also even be the one’s closest to you such as your brothers, sisters, or parents. They may seem like they’re sucking the color out of life but the truth is without them we are left unguided and lost.
The truth is, we need a mix of both.
I’m not saying that you should clean up your relationships and get rid of people. Whether people are good to us or good for us, people who wholeheartedly share goodness to us play integral roles in our lives. Whether people may be good to us or good for us, we justify their presence in our lives because we love them.
People are like the seasons.
Some are there for you during your brightest days
Some are there with you to endure the bitter cold
Some are there when you go through changes
Some are there for you through it all
Some aren’t there for you at all
Cherry blossoms know when its time bloom and wither away, in the same way, it reminds us that life is fleeting and so are people. The people you meet throughout your lifetime won’t be there forever, so you must cherish the time you spend with them. If you’re lucky enough to find people who are both good to you and good for you, keep them. Life is better with them around. We need people to help us get through our daily struggles and problems by helping us see the brighter side of life, but we also need people to guide us through strife and help us keep our lives in check.
The law of attraction plays a role in determining the kind of relationships you get. As complex as our relationships may seem, you basically attract the kind of people who are similar to you. So when you’re good to and good for others, the universe has its way of attracting people who are both good to and good for you.
Thus there is a need to close the gap.
Closing the gap means that in order for people to stay in your life, you have to be at each other’s level. It’s either you go up to their level, or they go up to yours. Closing the gap may also require you to compromise and stoop down to a lower level, but that can’t happen if you’re good to others and good for others. Never compromise by going down, always strive to go up and never leave the ones you love at the bottom.
Now take some time to reflect. Are you good to others or are you good for others? Do we share love and happiness or are we enablers and justifiers or the dark tendencies of our relationships? Do we ensure the growth of our loved ones or do our harsh words and actions blind the people we value most from seeing our pure intentions.
Take some time to think about who these people are in our lives. Think about how you are towards them and how they are towards you. Only you can tell who the good ones are. But no matter how people may treat you, you must always aim to treat everyone with kindness. Regardless if they reciprocate or not, it is our obligation to be both good to people and good for people.