State of the Gabi
With the first two days of classes officially done, I wanted to compose some of the thoughts I have been experiencing after coming back to Chapel Hill after being away for almost 8 months. While there are a multitude of different restaurants that have opened and close while I have been gone, the harder aspects of returning to Chapel Hill include, a change in priorities and environment.
Priorities
Over the last 8 months I have learned about permaculture, lived in a yurt, immersed myself in Mandarin, traveled to historical sites I would have never dreamed of seeing, researched investors, completed self-designed research projects, submitted multiple papers for publication, started working for a startup, and most recently moved into my first apartment (that was not booked via airbnb). Experiencing the highs and lows of independent travel and learning has empowered me to continue on my path to always question and challenge barriers set in front of me.
As amazing as what I like to call my pseudo-gap year was, I am back on campus, meaning my priorities shift. I have classes, I am surrounded by people all of the time, and I have to make decisions of what I want to involve myself in.
Many people ask me if I am excited to be back, and for all intensive purposes, yes! I love Chapel Hill. I love the learning environment, the dedicated student body, and the passion that explodes from every building and person I see. But, I love traveling, inventing, and thinking of innovative new passions and projects. I enjoyed being able to not have a letter grade assigned to everything I completed. It was nice being away from a huge anxiety trigger.
So, the question is how do I combine my inventive drive with my current standstill location without completely overwhelming myself since I do have a full load of courses…..Honestly, I don’t have an answer, but I am acknowledging my feelings and actively talking to advisers and planning to email my therapist as I transition back to a more stationary life over the next few months.
Environment
I was asked today if being back in Chapel Hill because of the size was difficult. And the question took me by surprise. Out of everything that I was concerned about for returning to Chapel Hill, the physical city itself was not one of them. But then, I took a step back and realized why she asked me this. I had spend my last semester in one of the largest cities in the world: Beijing, China, and she had previously encountered students who had not quite adjusted back to the quaintness that is a college town.
Thinking of my experiences, I realized one potential solution for my ease of transition, at least from a city size perspective was that I spent two months living in Cork, Ireland and while Cork does have city like aspects, it is much closer in size to Chapel Hill than Beijing.
The other large difference being back in Chapel Hill is being surrounded by people all of the time. My program in China had about 21 people, and I lived by myself in Cork, so it has been an extended period of time since I have been surrounded by this many people who I know, care about, and want to hear what they have been experiencing in their lives. This increase of people is a much greater challenge than the physical city difference of Chapel Hill. Again, I don’t have a solution to this, nor do I really think it is a problem, it is just something that I have not experienced in a long time.
A Few Ending Thoughts
Realizing how you have changed mentally and emotionally is harder to see after pivotal life experiences. Someone recently asked me if after my 8 month trek, will my approach to work, people, and other aspects of my life change. And I did not have an answer. Initially, I wanted to respond, I don’t think so, but I realized there probably are small aspects of my life that have shifted while I have been traveling that are very hard for me to see because I’m sure they occurred slowly, but I am curious to see if other see a difference in me after this journey.
I am excited for this semester. I almost have my schedule completly set (just trying to get off one more waitlist), TAing for COMP110 is about to begin again, TEDx planning will soon be in full swing, and UNC JOURney’s print edition is finally here and will be released soon (check out the online edition here if you haven’t!). I’m hoping to write more this semester about my journey with anxiety as obstacles occur through this transition back into the UNC bubble.