Why we like things that aren’t good for us.

I once saw a cartoon about a half-orange in love with an orange-squeezer. It read: ‘They were made for each other, but was that good?’. And even though I never saw that cartoon again the question just stuck in my head, and I see myself asking me the same thing from time to time, under different circumstances. Surprisingly or not the answer is usually ‘Nope, that’s no good’, but still, it doesn’t usually stop me from trying. So why?

In my case, it could be my willingness to deliberately put myself into bad situations as a personal challenge, to explore my limits and try to learn something. It could be because deep down I want to be kicked out of my comfort zone, which I try SO hard just to keep organized and under control. It could be some kind of self sabotage, to make sure that, if nothing works out in the end, at least there was an understandable, predictable reason.

No, I don’t think the ‘we-accept-the love-we-think-we-deserve’ theory explains it all, because very few things in life work on a ‘Deserving’ logic and love has hardly any logic at all. Yeah, ok, we might accept what we think we deserve sometimes, but sometimes we accept a lot less than that just because it’s all that’s available. And sometimes we accept things we never thought we would, because Desire can be bigger than Deserving. And so can Hopelessness. And who’s in a position to judge, anyway?

The point is that it’s just really hard to choose. To choose what you deserve, which may never come, instead of whatever is right there in front of you, with its endless possibilities and an invitation to the unknown. And maybe that’s the fun of it: ‘Unknown’ can be anything, good or bad, or better than what you’d thought at first,or maybe not, but maybe you could learn something. It’s a shot in the dark. And embracing that demands a kind of detachment, to accept whatever comes in its totality.

At the end, it might be about faith, because sometimes there is really nothing else you can do besides believing that somehow, someday it will all come together and things will just feel right again.

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